Its not always the same

2011-09-23T01:08:00.003+08:00

I broke down the other day.

Truth smashed right at my face.

Tears would not stop flowing down.

I felt hopeless. Yet I would not accept it.

Decipher it.

losing faith

losing confidence

2011-09-08T00:50:00.005+08:00

I'm just not yet cured.

Huge urge to drink.

Last Monday night, cousin went drinking with more of his friends at V4.

2 Martell King and 6 bottles of Martell. I am mad jealous. I want to join in the fun and laughter. Toss away all my emo, troubles and unhappiness. The drifted distance.

And they JUST went again. Sigh.

I only managed to submit Thursday to Sunday's report (14 pages, 4,754 words) as requested by 2359. I still feel it wasn't in depth enough. You know, there are just endless things to write. But in the end, hack la.

Did Monday's report already. Going to do Tuesday one. Totally wasted my off day.

Why must we do this daily report!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!

argh~~~~

anyway, so far I enjoy my workplace just as much as the previous hotels I worked for.

Hope things will get better as I progress.

This is What It Happens, When I Fall In Love

2011-09-05T01:17:00.006+08:00

Know Me.

I can't help it but to fall in love with you deeply.

I smile whenever I see you.

I feel empty and uneasy whenever you are not around.

I can't bare to leave you even just for a second.

I am sensitive to all your words, actions, and behaviour.

I will be emotional.

I always hug you. It will never be enough.

I stick to you as close as I could.

I often could not realize or see your bad points.

I only know how much I love you.

I only have you in my mind.

I daydream. I constantly think of you.

I want you to be happy just as I am, with you.

I care for you. I worry about you.

I want all your attention, care and concern.

More importantly, I need your faithful love.

That Constraint, That Barrier

I want to get rid of it.

Because of it, a lot of negative things has been running in my mind.

But ultimately, it takes two hands to clap.

2011-09-03T02:11:00.001+08:00

sunk in deeper again.
much more than before.
the barrier got clearer too.
Obstructions.
& Clearly I became sensitive.
I dislike that.
Would it be fine still?
I fear.
I fear much.

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2011-09-02T00:29:00.003+08:00

I Want To Stop Thinking of Negative Things.

2011-09-01T03:29:00.010+08:00

Busy I am that is.

Only a few that I had posted, and Only 2 days away from computer, Response is there.

So many things undone.

Start of attachment tomorrow I wonder if I have the time to manage.

Nonetheless, it is definitely better than Studying.

Before I could even plan which date for a drink, I went out immediately after my previous post.

Went to Dragonfly to find my cousin and his friends.

It was a Total Eyeopener. All the good drinkers in disguise.

6 bottles of Hennessy together with great music and ambience and friends.

I met lots challengers. They drank worse than me.

It was always myself who ask people to drink non-stop and bottoms up.

With them, only for about 2 hours, I ran off.

There is no such thing as a sip. It was either half, or all.

With that much of liquor poured, tough time seriously.

I made lots of big friends though. haa. more added protection but little on the west.

Of course, thereafter, tough time awaits for me.

I took a cab home. Head spinning real badly. I ended up at an unusual place.

But I remembered the taxi driver asking me "You Drunk Ah?"

I then rested at one corner. And somehow or rather, I was on the phone with someone.

Great how did it happen. A few calls and texts I remembered, It ended up to be that much.

Immediately I head to the stairs. But the forward I go, the backwards I get. And fell.

I wore Jacket. I wonder how my elbow got scratched.

Next day, I woke up at that unusually comfortable place.

Rewind.

Is it true that only when I drank much then can I get soft-hearted? Stubborn.

Previously, I refuse to let go of my legacy. I held high, went on grudging on issues and believe it wouldn't do me good. Second Time. What's what I could bother less at that time already.

I thought back, why should I be so hot headed. I can no longer remember.

Just when things got better, I always get to see things the opposite side.

How true is it that every man on Earth is that way? Heard it many times but I refuse to believe all along.

What exactly had happen? How did it happen? Why is that so? Can I still trust?

One? How can I be sure?

Everyone urge me to let go so why am I still here? Am I that generous? Can I still trust?

Not 100% anymore if you ask.

But isn't trust the most important thing in any relationships? Without it there will always be a barrier. Things will be fake. To what extent can I still trust and believe.

One is enough. Forgive and forget, I landed up hurting myself.

but is this counted? Sensitivity got my mind running constantly. Tons of unanswered questions.

A moment of happiness, a moment of unhappiness clustered together. Blurred.

Saying I will regret that fearsome word, I choose to trust all and on again.

Behind lies a mountain of mysteries.

I told cousin to look broader amongst the forest and let go of that 4 years of tree,

but what about myself? Two persons with completely different mindset and point of view.

I stopped myself from thinking further.

And I hope my choice is right. Trust. I Hope that both of us will be happy.

I have to sleep now. about 3 more hours I have to wake up.

hopefully work will end early tomorrow so that I have enough time to run in to JB with mum.

Lok Lok! I will definitely stay there till 10pm for it =]

cravings !!

2011-08-29T21:15:00.028+08:00

I wasn't bored doing the same thing at home these past few days.

Housekeeping, eat, sleep and curing my face.

Speaking about it, I did an extremely silly thing that night I returned to Jurong. 18th August 2011!

While forcing to study for the last paper, I accidentally comfortably directly laid flat on a big SOFT TOY that I stuffed in one of my open shelve untouched for 5 years!

For just a while, just for minutes, an Extreme Devastation falls upon me!

Stress, constant haywired sleepless nights, heatiness, monthly mensuration and products that does negative effect to me was enough a causing factor so Why Must I Do Such A Thing?!

I went to washroom to wash up my face.

The next moment, I looked into the mirror, 我简直被吓到了极点！

4/5 of my face was full filled with what. Acne? Pimples? A TOTAL OUTBREAK!

redness. It was dry and itchy that I almost couldn't resist scratching.

Extremely demoralizing.

This was the first time I experienced such a bad OUTBREAK.

Head to school with those nasty stuffs concealed under my favourite Jorubi Aloe Vera Gel. (I used it almost everyday) It helps to a certain extent such as relieving that itchiness, redness as well as hide and controls my outbreak. Of course it was still obvious. Because my face was extremely CHUI!

Afterward, I went to Somerset to get my ultimate facial scrub that does miracle but it is out of stock till now. I then took another effort to City Link not knowing it was closed. So I head to Suntec City outlet but latter know that the shop has been changed. Sigh.

Back home, mum and brother reaction was "Wa! why your face become like that!???"

-__- demoralized again. Totally no face to go out.

I then tried some acne/pimple products claimed to be effective online with no avail.

Moral down each day with zero recovery, I came across several effective solutions each day.

Day after day I used the solutions day and night without fail even though it gets bore and tiring.

I wouldn't say my face is cured entirely but drastically.

Worst experience. I will not do it again!

I do housekeeping everyday. There was a before and after effect but still not good enough.

I only kept 2/5 of my clothes. Simply gave away most of my things to GrandMa to sell.

(She even ask me what happen to my face in Hokkien)

But those chores will always get messy somehow. And clothes seem to pile up the more mum washes. The house and fridge will always be filled with more things. Every morning I woke up with unwashed dishes in the sink. Because there are a total of 6 persons living in this house especially when no one else is willing to help mum out. Sigh. How to?

Apart from that, I help mum with her English homework, listen to her talking all sorts of things to me even when I am not listening or put on my earpiece listening to music. Haa. And she will repeat her sentences again and again until I hear and answer 'uhhhhh'.

She even bought Galaxy S II EARLIER THAN ME!

12 OCT to recontract. I will be patient.

& I cook and eat and cook and eat. Some was nice but some was plain. I always use whatever there is in the kitchen to make a dish. Like the white fungus dessert, I added almost every herb but thankfully no. Everyday I keep on eating. Gain weight! Sigh..

Earlier one Saturday, I also went out with Chong for drink. Intended to go Alcool to find Xiao Si but went on to experience V3 instead. When she say me, the first thing she said was "哇！你发福啊！" Seriously.

Spent quite a while concealing my face too. Haa.

It was a really fun day. Met up with Amanda and her friends then to Neverland.

I could almost not go home. Alot of nonsense.

I die on my bed immediately. But not awhile later, got pulled out by mum to Bugis temper and see furniture. Walk and walk. Hangover also be cured!

Then again, No choice. I promised her already.

Always bringing her out, yesterday, she brought me to spa at Citispa. Not recommended. Average only. If there is still slot, I will bring her to Mani and Pedi at AMK tmr or wednesday =]

Relaxing time will soon be over.

Left with only 2 and a half days to start of attachment.

Still with lots of unfinished stuffs but I will go out just one more day!

So have I got over? I don't think so.

How did I get a hold of it? Through my wallpaper.

Decided not to mention about that flaring shift back issue as well.

So am I happy? Not really. But I am still trying.

Am I tired? I am still tired of everything.

Just don't understand why some like to tell a different story. Liar. Well, whatever.

I will persevere and be sensible, wiser and better.

Afterall in this month, I drank and took half a pack only during that down day.

Let nature take its course.

2011-08-18T00:20:00.003+08:00

I am Back! Officially staying at Jurong forever until I get married!

One whole van to fill up my things.

Rants with sis. Totally the same experience just that I was able to tolerate three more years.

I will totally blog about it tomorrow.

Just you wait.

2011-08-17T20:35:00.010+08:00

Believe it. Tomorrow is the LAST EXAMINATION I am taking.!

Well actually, it makes no difference. Left with 9 hours yet I have NOT study.

Since 9pm till 4am yesterday, I have been doing spring cleaning for my room.

all packed up.

And I continued when I woke up today. Almost Done.

Mum is coming to fetch me at 10 plus later in a VAN! YES!

around 30 over bags. and these are only 1/4 of my sister's asset. haa.

I will donate most of them to salvation army.

all excited. took me one day. wonder how long it is going to take for Jurong. Not forgetting I have my stuffs there as well. I am going to force them donate their things out!!

2 weeks of holiday. Change of plan. Until I finish Spring Cleaning for my home at Jurong, I will not work!

I am hungry. Have not eaten the since 7pm yesterday. Stomach Growling~~~

2011-08-16T06:08:00.004+08:00

This is even worse. Decision Science and Yield Management paper today.

Similar to this coming Thursday exam, Hospitality & Resort Management,

I never for once listen in lecture. No. or once perhaps.

Of course, this equates to not knowing what is going on. Furthermore, I failed both the ICA 1.

Thankfully, our teacher for this module is generous enough to tell us which lecture is coming out.

Leaving out 4 lecture including Forecasting which I will not touch over my dead body, 8 Lectures will be tested. I only learnt one lecture which is months ago from ICA 1, and another from ICA 2 which unfortunately is not tested.

So should I fail this exam, I have to retake the next semester which I am not going to!

Gave myself ample rest from 2pm to 7pm today.

Gladly, after being able to solve one sum, I continued solving other sums.

Roughly did 6 lectures already. Still raw. Yet to memorize the theories too.

It is okay I figure out the lectures myself but not Overbooking.

Sleep deprived and extremely hungry now.

Hopefully I can pull through. 8 more hours to go.

Think I am going to sleep. NOW

2011-08-15T14:05:00.003+08:00

I used one hour from 7am to 8am to read through twice the 11 lectures earlier.

Section A. (30m) completely no idea. anyhow bomb.

Section B. (40m) Know a few. But for those questions I memorized, I somehow left it blank.

Section C. (30m) Remember first few. The rest completely blank.

Going to score bad grades. Yet I don't feel unhappy or sad about it.

But somehow I feel rather happy because I am left with only 2 Exams.

yawn.

2011-08-15T02:07:00.003+08:00

FML. 6 more hours and I have to leave home.

I know even with this 6 hours, I can roughly memorize even the 12 lectures.

I know I have the ability to score good grades if I study.

Earlier I told myself I am going to study no matter what.

But my engine simply broke down. I just can't get myself to do it.

This is exactly what happen last year during the Final Exams for Business Law.

With my brain empty, I went into the exam hall and scored a D (50%-55%).

That is why I always relied on projects greatly.

good luck to me. 2 hours paper of General Knowledge.

and what was I doing earlier this whole week?

Sleeping, slacking, daydreaming, watching OnePiece and Koreans Dramas, finding more drama episodes to watch while snacking, and finding more things to do with the Internet. Just staring into blank air. Seems therapeutic. Keep eating sweets to suppress it.

Deep Sigh.

in the midst psycho-ing myself.

2011-08-14T19:37:00.004+08:00

I NEED FULL CONCENTRATION!

I don't care. Buy a pack or what, I need to get into study mood, I need to study!

Get it over & done with.

Left with 12 hours. I shall take risks.

12 Lectures to memorize. I am going to study 5 important lectures diligently.

Failing is not important anymore. As long as I have tried.

but I really don't feel like studying.. sigh..

2011-08-13T22:10:00.002+08:00

no use. no matter how hard I try, I couldn't get myself to study.

when I am awake, my mind keeps wandering around.

It seems to be the end already.

the last thing I can figure out is to sleep.

I should stop giving myself stress.

probably a pack can calm me down & make me focus.

I really don't want this.

Why must things crumble down at this point of time.

2011-08-13T01:04:00.005+08:00

I am not just restless but extremely restless.

deep sigh... extremely disappointed with myself.

I was given a week. my eyes are wide open. yet I have not study at all. I know nothing.

This Monday is the first paper followed by Tuesday and Thursday paper.

I am in dead meat. It all requires deep memorizing.

Where is all the energy. Persevered this far. Have I given up?

just like miles apart I couldn't stop thinking.

and since I am not studying, I wonder why I rejected following mum to JB just and earlier.

and since I am not studying, I wonder why I did not attend a relative's wake.

2 more days. I have to go.

When will I get better?

2011-08-11T03:58:00.008+08:00

always the sweetest memories that gushes through.

upsetting but I have to suppress it. stop thinking!

night owl. trying hard to make efforts in studying for exam.

though it is late, I have to make notes. The books are too thick to memorize.

but what's disappointing now is my eyes always turn blurry! I couldn't see or type clearly. I just hate this.

what's the cause? it happens every night when I am trying to do some work. sigh..

skin condition continue to deteriorate as well due to my haywire sleeping hours.

Pizza dinner for sis belated birthday celebration earlier.

to think I actually have appetite for that -__- endless cravings

gone case. I only have appetite for fast food. other than that I have no appetite.

after months, I am going to cook pasta for dinner later tonight!

Shall look up in some new recipes to probably make changes to my all time pasta recipe. haa.

Right. after that 公说公有理，婆说婆有理 issue, things is finally resolved.

but it definitely changed my views and how I plan my move in future.

I will be shifting back to Jurong after exams are over.

On the Top Priority list would be to organize the house! Just can't stand it.

Probably will go back to work to keep myself occupy so that I will not think so much.

Nevertheless, before that, I am definitely going to take a break from everything.

Life has been go suffocating. I hope all my stress will be lifted up soon.

I hope for better.

Adding on, Not forgetting to certain specified readers here,

Unless you have like emergency things, please don't even try to communicate.

don't bother waste you time and effort because I will not entertain.

You simply just disgust me further and pissed me off.

I wonder why even after such a long period of time, they can ask me for a get back tgt.

even to those who have done something cruel, etc to me previously.

I seriously don't see any good or perfectness in me. I wonder what you guys see in me.

All your motive and evil intentions are clearly stamped on your faces.

I may be a fool in the past but not anymore.

So stop adding fuel & irritating me for I already am.

2011-08-09T03:36:00.006+08:00

only 3 plus and I am awake again.

I had a dream. Two strangers followed me back home peeping through my window trying to get me out. they wasn't around but left me a task. I was afraid what I did was wrong and receive their sarcasm again. Trembling I was, a friend whom was once close to me brought me out, but latter went off with another at a train station. Next, I was left waiting at the pool. And suddenly the image leads to NYP. Mum was panicking. A gate was shut. I had to look for the key.

A combination dream. Just how stressful I am.

Mum going in Malaysia tomorrow. Too bad I never carry my passport with me.

anyway, sis wore my slippers out and said she will be back on Tuesday night. -__-

which means I can only go back on Wednesday.

Meanwhile, during 9pm plus, mum kept nagging I never eat when I already told her I don't want. James added in saying I never ate anything the whole day but I did.

So she insisted on splitting 3/4 of fried rice to me.

place it in front of me and I felt gross. Like some stinking fish smell.

passed it to James but he reluctantly turned down.

after persuasion, he took only the luncheon meats. But I managed to split another 1/4 to him at least. gorged down 3 big spoonful of oily rice.

watched television till around 11pm and fell asleep.

whats for later?

2011-08-08T21:08:00.003+08:00

I can't break down yet. I can't afford to make anyone close worry.

I am probably the only one she can go do.

I am probably the only one that can help her.

I can't shed a single tear.

All the pain. I have to understand, listen, bear and be strong for her.

On the other hand, today is the 8th day I managed to tolerate. The urge is bouncing back. Panting so hard. It is either I buy, or eat to suppress.

But I am losing appetite. I was hungry yesterday. Mum cooked so I scooped a share.

Felt nausea after that. Gave my bro but he already ate a big bowl.

Had to forced myself and took 2 spoonful. Nearly vomited but end up stomachache.

No choice. I peeled orange for my younger brother so that he will take a 2nd filling.

I can't throw because I was brought up never to waste food.

Then I had a cup of Milo and biscuits today. hungry now but never mind. at least I ate something. Better than nothing.

I am really tempted to buy.

restless.

2011-08-08T20:50:00.016+08:00

Have I shut my eyes long on Saturday? I only managed to sleep at 7am but woke up at 11am.

Nevertheless, finally I completed watching One Piece from scratch for weeks already.

First paper on Monday. But I couldn't concentrate.

so much flashbacks, so much to trouble about, it never stop coming.

just what have I done. Damage is there. Should stop worrying.

a cease to anticipation every weekend.

blame it all on me. Its all my fault.

even at the last moment, there was no trust.

how much does it takes to carry an angry person to say anything they like.

well said. that was the second time someone addresses me that.

trauma and more trauma. it never ends.

demoralized? I began to feel I deserved that title.

must one situation be linked to another?

why can't I be just as strong as some of my friends are?

sincerely hope I can overcome that path.

no wait. have I not been doing just right?

forgetting things is my trait.

I have never bothered what others say. Yes, just once and it struck me entirely off guard.

people whom I regard as friends. No. I should stop recalling.

I should never have even tried to listen at the first place.

4th consecutive row. I wonder how much my ability will bring me.

Never mind, I will keep turning into another blind eye.

I don't care what anyone says. so long as I know it myself.

never argue never fight back. Don’t even try.

Always say one but another to others.

forget it. all your true colours.

There will always be story tellers and broadcasters.

afterall, there is no one to trust.

And in any ways, communication never works. up till now, no one has been able to understand.

Speaking of motives. What a word.

Should know who they are and stop pretending to care especially after knowing the news.

I have seen and been through much from all of you.

know where you stand and don't cross my limits.

Kind enough for me to forgive and be that friendly till now.

Taken me for granted. All these will never happen again.

Right. I always feel inferior. That’s why I always let go of what that is not mine.

Yes. If only. That issue never has taken place. I can never overcome it.

That I would not have felt inferior. For that, I would not have stupidly forgiven and be tricked as you said! I was shock but glad to have seen everything. just 10 days more. Not the first time I am cheated. I just feel irritated it is blood related. All because of money let me know more.

Sigh. Type out everything but erased all. It is okay. I will continue to bury everything inside me.

I believe in what I see. Afterall, I am always just a tool. a need manipulated by all.

Every step leads me close to reality.

I am turning to hate everything.

I am tired of everything.

Dislike what I am going through but I had this coming. More will surface.

Bear with it.

- always a silent space

2011-08-07T00:32:00.002+08:00

presentation went well earlier today.

stayed up the night to finish up the website. results were satisfactory.

fell asleep standing on the train and right away upon lying on my bed.

then again, an expected response pulled me down further.

never mind.

type out everything I encountered today. but erased away.

everything just snaps. problems and more problems.

hopefully, I will be better.

The Conveyor

2011-08-05T23:51:00.005+08:00

must I be the conveyor. worst still, during the edge of breaking down.

tomorrow is the last project ever. I want to deliver a decent website for my team to have something bring across. one that is appealing at least.

must such things happen. three? no four at once?

I am already trying hard to be positive

Although it is hard and I don't, I try to smile everyday. regardless of whatever negative thing that comes to me, I smile it off. but I had to remain here and I don't say a thing because I respect. I am not sis who can quarrel, argue or even fight back with you.

I never like getting myself involve in anything.

but words just came to me in a brute and crude manner.

can one ever be understanding and say 'oh Sheena is busy now. I shall not disturb her'

'try talking to someone and you will feel better'

This method, I already tried for upteem times.

people whom I believe is able to help me heal my wounds are not friends

people whom I trusted most, I do not want to trouble them

people whom closely related, relate back to me that its my fault

people whom are negative, leads me negatively

people whom don't even bother, why should I bother

etc...............................................................................................................

the stress and unhappiness I am facing, are you able to understand?

I tried communicating. I tried explaining. But not only were you unable to understand my situation but added on fuel. I just hope you will leave me alone and don't event try to communicate with me. Every thing you say are that sarcastic. I have been smiling off since the beginning. I had no choice because I grew up with different relatives teaching me a basic respect.

how much i want to get away. This is my dream since young.

broken family. negative environment. whats more can you expect?

I never let myself get involve in all these but somehow it accumulated subconsciously.

Not to worry, I hide all my feelings well. Didn't I?

what you will see tomorrow is again a cheerful side of me. Smiling like many taught me.

But at this point of time, I blasted out.

I had no idea whether this is just another emotional week but I just broke down.

Finally, I could do nothing but crying so hard silently.

I wonder if readers can feel what I am going through now.

I don't share it to anyone.

But revealing my deepest thoughts here is a good remedy.

just when I was getting all determined to kick out the habit.

5 days since Sunday. That suffocating urge arises especially when I get stress or emotional.

I hope I can control.

2011-08-04T05:43:00.001+08:00

sleeping time

2011-07-29T22:14:00.002+08:00

I was late for presentation today for about 5 minutes. So I got minus 5 marks. sigh.....

presentation went fine. after which I slept immediately throughout the lecture.

after several sleepless nights, or rather sleeping 4am, 5am, and 7am such hours. where I had to wake up 1 or 2 hours later for presentation and such. I felt really worn out.

Back home, did a few stuffs and slept at 1pm.

just when I thought I can finally sleep throughout the day, I got called up at 7.30pm to do projects. A project which I edited for 4 times that I tell myself I will not touch it anymore -__-

sigh. going to do it for the fifth time after ranting here.

My energy are not fully reboost yet! I need more rest.

My eyes are tired of looking at those documents.

And so I went to touch up my room. wipe away dust, threw away letters, place everything in order etc. I just can't work with unsightly environment though my room is already tidy enough. I am a left-brained person.

While shifting myself to the washroom to wash up, my "parents" ask 'wake up already ah.' and I told them 'ya, got woken up to do projects.' and they said 'projects? or go out and play.'

and I walk away.

I mean, why are they saying such unpleasant things. Did I say I was going out? & going to the washroom does not mean to bathe and prepare t0 go out. Tired enough but must still take their nasty words. well, always the same. what to do. FML.

even worst when they actually know I have been staying up for many days to do projects.

always asking me to sleep early when I can't. Who do not know I love to stay at home the most and sleep.

Did I ever go out during the weekdays except during holidays? Is it weekend now where I won't be here? Or should I probably head back to Jurong now to show that they are right in their assumption?

I need peace and silence man. I would prefer not to talk if I need to hear such things. and I always shut my door because of that loud a voice that I can't concentrate doing my projects.

and always saying am room is stuffy. That is how I prefer it to be because I am feeling cold. I am an extremely warm-blooded person unlike those who prefer living under air-con in which my skin rejects it. When I shut my window, it is either insects are lying in because the rubbish chute is just meters away or I am feeling cold.

sigh. this is my life. no idea why I am feeling so moody these day. a sudden burst out. projects have been killing me especially when no one initiates, nobody cares and they know I will just do everything willingly myself. Projects are very important to me because I don't really study for exams.

that is also how many outsiders failed to understand the stress of those hardworking students from NYP hospitality and resorts management. I can be telling people why is it so stressful but almost all believed I was exaggeration. & tell me no leh, my friends from NYP also not chiongster as you. or I have friends studying this course but very relax leh. <-- thats because either they are those who eat snakes and leave it for people like me to do, or they are from other poly where they have that little projects to do and only stress for exams.

for some reason, my school values our course so much that they will just push us for anything and fully pack our schedule. most of the projects we are doing are based on reality situations. meaning, we can be planning for NDP 2012, inventing new products are CEOs from Singapore to judge, new concept for certain resorts, etc. I swear I am going to post whatever assignments NYP made us do since Year 1 when I have the time!

Sigh. I am just too worn out.

I can't study at Jurong definitely as it 100 times the mess in my room.

not a place where I could be.

2011-07-27T00:31:00.003+08:00

i am tired of everything. pull through pull through.!! but I haven't been going school.

working on projects. literally copy and paste work. so unlike me. but I just can't do. ah.... this doesn't feels good at all.

dislike it whenever my eyes go blurry. especially when I am set to do work. Useless no matter how much I wash or rub, it will still remain blur. and I have to keep continuing on.

anyway, after my worthless search at Jurong and IMM last Sunday, I managed to buy it at 313 @ Somerset. Decided not to make anymore worthless trips. I hope it does work. Spent so much research on it. Nonetheless, I did groceries shopping at the heavenly GIANT hypermarket with mum. Though she was late. and I had to walk one big round to IMM not knowingly the construction of the hospital.

wed - entrepreneurship project submission

thurs - sefest presentation and project submission + CRV project submission

friday - rdvmgt presentation and project submission

mon - ds&ym presentation and project submission

thurs - EQL exam

fri - CRM project presentation and submission

sat - entrepreneurship presentation

ITS KILLING ME!!

2011-07-25T12:20:00.002+08:00

24 days more. I just have to pull through these tough times and strive for my dream. all my desires. chosen this step. spent 3 years of my life. knowing it is all worthwhile.

But I do not have any strength to complete the last track. whats wrong whats wrong with me.

Disappointingly, last Saturday, I took another step. It was not on impulsion but a habit that is so tough for me to kick off.

Well, on the other hand, my hand is recovering. At least I can return hand shakes now.

many things are bothering me. then again, I chose to ignore, chose to turn into an blind eye.

can never get better at this rate.

2011-07-21T01:04:00.002+08:00

whats my desire? everything seem so blurred.

I have no will to study for this semester. and I failed 2 ICAS badly already. results were not fantastic either. lack of motivation? but seriously with such groupings, one would not have the energy to pursue anything anymore. well, it is said that things can be changed when we see from a different perspective. But I just died down. I want to get away from studies. exactly one more month of studies will be 12 days break before attachment. I will have to love my work place just like how I commit for Conrad.

Friends have also been asking me what is my plan after poly. and that is backpacking trip. I am sooooo going to tour! Thinking of it just makes me excited. Though it seems long, I have been looking forward to it since secondary school. But before that, I will have to work. more $$ =D

Unless there is something better out there for me, that will delay my journey.

Meanwhile, it is exactly a month now since I became firm on quitting it. really tough. Up until now, I have to constantly erase those temptation when I can easily walk to any store and purchase. It is a struggle. But with tons and tons of reasons, I must stay firm no matter what. Even if my surrounding isn't positive. I need to pull through!!!!!

2011-07-04T05:27:00.002+08:00

there is always such time

empty my heart

2011-01-22T21:45:00.003+08:00

Last tuesday was ICT presentation. It was totally a down day for me. Literally drag the group down. deep sigh.. teacher say we are suppose to choose only one system and talk about it. she says she don't know how to mark it because I gave her so many systems.

the question was 'Describe how each of the above system is applied in the hospitality environment'

There are 3 systems. I am supposed to do door locking system. so I went on and mention the door locking systems used in hospitality environment. deep sigh.... This definitely pulled my group's mark down for not this reason. fedup. disappoint. it did not say 'state one of the door locking systems used in the hospitality env'!! ahhh...... forget it..

then again, today marks the day I gain independence. wow. because I am home alone since 7am! muahahaha.. this will last effect till 26th though. good thing is I have got the whole house by myself with 2 dogs. I can play kinect and jump, sing, blast music everything! haa. but bad news is I have to wake up earlier than ever to feed and bring the dogs down for walk as well as during the night. boooo....

but life seems so miserable because I have yet to do my script for monday and tuesdays presentation. this coming week for school is a must go too because of examination hints. bored ttm.

CNY this time round, I am sort of going alone because sis and bro will not be joining. they are having work. means their red packets will be going into my pocket. I estimated, 300 each. ahaha. just kidding. got to pass to them.. I HATE SCHOOL. I could have had a long CNY celebration. D=

drama to watch: Dream High, My Princess and Love Buffet =D

what am I doing now? Submerging into chocolates.. Boost Stix..

2011-01-15T16:44:00.003+08:00

Its been quite a while. I finally got to see the news. Shockingly, it was good piece of news after all. Able to experience and see the other's touching lives. It was moving and heart wrenching. Nevertheless, I managed to get a hold of myself. The Part and Parcels of life that we can't escape. The best experience I've received. True Colours.

Received a text message. Invitation to D&D at Conrad this coming Monday. Should I go? Been quite a while since I last work there. waiting for Vy's reply.

Dao Lao Po... I miss you leh. I am still trying to accomplish the mission. Bet it will take another year or two before I can do that with you. haa.. are you still dreaming about me? our dream was almost spot on.

went back to Jurong these few days. Mum Miss me too much. kept organizing dinner. I FINALLY got to see brother's girlfriend too. saw a red shoe outside our house and ask whose. and heard a new voice. Haha... Yesterday was curry feast and taking family photos. 3 new faces in the family portrait. there will also be wedding preparation. someone is getting married this year!! one new added family member. I am looking forward to this joyous occasion.

Can't sleep properly or carry heavy things. Hand is still hurting. Getting worse. But it looks fine on the exterior. Still, I played badminton! Lian Hai stopped by too. Got me boxes of chocolates from this trip! How am I supposed to finish so much of those. Fattening know. One of them is Brandy Chocolate with cherries. & am brother James, told me dad gave him drink a cup of wine before. *suspicious* So, Mum and I looked at him while he puts the chocolate into his mouth. The next moment, I was laughing like mad. His face turned red and awful. So funny!! and kept drinking water. tsk tsk..

I received gift from sis too. A dress. I am going to wear it during new year's eve. A pity my clothes I bought on spree I doubt, will be able to reach me on time.

One of my aunt is a santa clause too. always giving mum brand new things that she doesn't one. This time round, brand new leather OSIM massage chair. It was superb! she probably got a brand new chair for herself again?

MICE. How do I want to present it? Script Script Script.

2011-01-11T20:13:00.003+08:00

That day, Lifen and I dreamt the same thing. wonder will it really happen? so messy.

Sick Woman. Faster recover la! Stop dreaming about me! & Stop sharing the same dream as me! =D

Had Da Bao for lunch today. I just had my dinner. Finally! yummy!

& Bolgy keeps barking at me, Marlene fought back. Good Marlene! BITE HIM!! ARGH.... haha..

but each time when the house only left him and me, he runs extremely fast to his bed. like as if I won't be able to see him.

My mind and soul can't seem to coordinate.

Today, when Mr.Choo review ICA1 HHOPS results to me, I don't seem to hear what he says. Just suddenly blank. Later when he ask whether If I expected a failing grade then was I waken. Didn't really catch him but I passed!

Projects and projects.. sigh.. I am feeling so restless. Don't wish to do anymore. Why is it always like this when it comes to the end of semester. The benchmarking of Marina Barrage. I just can't get myself understand it. No will to do anything. HRM project need to edit also. sian ar!

What to do What to do What to do.............??????????????????????

How can I control both mind and soul at the same time? sigh... It is my body!! why can't I.

going crazy.. argh..

The weekly thing that I anticipate most is

SECRET GARDEN!! This coming sat and sun is cast for Ep 19 & 20. The final episode.

I love the show soooooooo much!

oh dear.. Amanda is talking to me now.. T__T

project time... sighh

What's Next

2011-01-10T19:56:00.010+08:00

I am finally home. Going to stay here until Feb whereby exam finishes?

It wasn't as easy as you thought. Each move was a culture shock or dragging with much procrastination! argh... simply put, I am lazy + tired of school too. Dislike going to school. Need to drag my feet there each time. To keep myself enthusiasted, SCHOOL IS ENDING SOON!

What's More!?? I can finally take off in a year time or more. Definitely! YES!!! planning in progress.

Back to woodlands is only work. I don't watch television. I stare at my computer hence I always chiong projects. Thats the reason I am back. Else I could stay there and rot for all I like!

Especially so when baby changed workplace. He has more time for me! it was also good thing as he finally got away with that bad mix of friends. & that Ilias has finally flown to China!! 90% chances he will never return in years time! I freaking elated about this. and those casual labours. argh.... but now that we will not meet that often & easily, I am not used to it.

Projects. Is was a closed deal for business finance. one down. MICE is the next one. I hope I won't get to edit anymore until everything is done. For HRM, will have to stay back for school tmr. DESATT i am still halfway on my benchmarking! ICTAPP and HHOPS left script. after the month of presentation. I am all excited for CHINESE NEW YEAR! despite having exams directly after it. sigh.. I am fully loaded with heavy stress. I am not joking. My hair is falling alot! 50 strands per day?

Finally had my meal for the day. & Starfruits made my tongue numb. I need to save. I officially declared broke. Completely. Today is allowance day. But my ibanking device is at Baby's place. He is supporting me now. Coming home early everyday to buy dinner for me. So that I stop eating packets of maggie noodles. He even deposits money into my bank -___-

But he drops my laptop twice, drops my phone, lost my ring that we bought just 3 months ago, lost the Goldlion tiepin I got for him many months ago until recently then I found out. What now? is he going to lose the slippers? earrings? watch? spectacles? etc? aish...... physical items that I should not get upset about.

My laptop is burning fire on my thighs. It stopped working last Wednesday for minutes. After shaking and removal and placing back the battery for times, it finally work! Something unhappy came out that Wednesday too. simply just added on to my fear. like a dagger piercing through that I am feeling super uneasy and having a bad feeling now. not something you can understand definitely. Fuel was added a day or two later. it was piercing but expected. I don't get it how tears can dropped so easily. I am not one who cries easily. But after the constant building of unfortunate events. But that is my stand. I am still giving myself ample time to recover. will not escape. It has gone one more round again. disappointments time and time again. & if I were to remain 100% firm, coldblooded and ignorant. I should empty that container long ago. unworthy

freak. my mind can never escape from this. The Fear. The Fear is sprawling. More than fear of walking stairs without looking, fear or cockroaches, mosquitoes flying into my ear, etc. No blames I could push. Only myself because afterall, it is a part of me. I so much hope there is no problem with it.

Thanks Baby for being beside me throughout although I did not tell him anything. Dare not tell him anything as he will only reprimand me, ask me don't think so much and question why will I think this way. sigh... was crying last night and he thought I was having flu.. my baby is so cute!!

after that sickness, I smoke a stick per day.. =D body is feeling much better now. it was congested earlier. I miss baby. Probably going to find him later. Stock my cigarettes too.

Saturday, he kept complaining that I keep doing my projects.! no choice but to follow him out at 5pm to walk walk. overall, went to Sim Lim buy his iphone portable charger (he snatched and eat more than half of my ice-cream too!), bugis street buy snacks (cheesy hotdog waffle stick, herbal egg, Da Bao), shop houses to buy magic clean floor wipe, snack, and 3 pin plug, suntec starbucks for coffee, marina square Han's for dinner (hainanese pork chop and sir loin steak), to john little fix his belt and hear how he lost the tie-pin -__-, and finally to 7atenine at Esplanade for drinks and fries. (jack daniels, Jim bean) A Chill-out session finally =))

Babe did poorly for 'O' levels. 29 points. aiyo.. clubbing too much. While another friend of mine scored 40 in r4!!?? & Vy got the same marks as me. but the results weren't what she expected. s

What am I to do next?

If I turn back, I will only give in to fate. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to stay in my comfort zone.

2010-12-30T15:18:00.004+08:00

自讨苦吃，自讨没趣，自投罗网，自寻死路。

Monday and Tuesday, I fell sick again. Don't know whether if I have ate to much cockles. First was diarrhea then was vomit and lethargic. Sigh.... My weak body. Always falling sick.

Before that, I was mad with him and hit him. Then Damn, I sprained my hand. argh...

He told me that whenever it is my fault, it is my fault. Whenever it is his fault, it is also my fault.

And next day, a picture made us quarrel again. He was mad and even place it as my desktop background. Suddenly came questioning me since when did I went Orchard etc. sigh....

Yesterday night I had fearful flashbacks again. It made me tear again. Hope time will make me overcome it. I also found something amusing. A conservation that happened last Tuesday while I was sick. Very well done. Perhaps, I should contact my friends. I should ask them out for drinks (I meant again), and ask for their number. Or no, what should I do? I always not know what to do. Asking me to think of those messages he had received and photos he had seen. Asking me to think of how upset and angry he is but still choose to trust and love me. A great tactic. I am completely blank now.

I kept questioning myself, why do I always blog about unhappy issues?

I realised my life have always been revolving around these issues. I no longer know when I am truly happy. There's nothing happy to write about.

If I was given a time machine, I would like to see my future as well as go back to the time when I was a kindergarden kid. My childhood place is now a flat ground full of grass. A pity there's no video or picture that captures that moment. That was my happiest moment.

2010-12-21T17:57:00.004+08:00

Woke up at 12 today..

Wash clothes

had macaroni and cheese for breakfast.

then went down NTUC to buy ingredients for lunch, dinnner, tmr breakfast + herbal tea....

after returning home, prepared the ingredients and cook and eat and keep clothes and hang clothes + sweep the floor + wash dishes... (daily lifestyle)... haa.. oh.. & one episode of drama.. heheh...

but the cooking process took quite awhile because I kept tearing non-stop!

I forgot that my hands wear smeared with chillies and I blow my nose. My god!

btw, since last week, I had at least 8 bruises on my leg.. -____- don't know how I got it also..

then, I was about to work on my projects again when Amanda msn me.. =D

we were talking about projects and halfway, she msn me this...

I was completely blurred of and at there laughing luh....

and it turns out to be

so funny... alright... I'm done with BFIN, HRM and ICT (left script).

I'm going to continue on DESATT, HHOPS (PPT).

I'm going to finish these by wednesday before I leave!!!! hohoho....

MICE is the last.. too tough...

2010-12-20T23:57:00.003+08:00

two days ago, I went with mum to BPP. She top up $100 to the game card for my brother and cousins to play. O.O totally.. we ended up playing too. my elbow is aching alot because we kept playing basketball! and within an hour, $100 becomes $0. ended up not playing badminton. ate KFC and went to pray during the night.

It doesn't seems like 12 now. seems much more earlier.

I've just completed my part on ICT.

But I don't know the question is asking for.

Part 1. it says the latest technology. means what? state one particular product or state the latest technology invented like RFID?

Part 2. It says how the technology is applied to hotels. means what? how the system works or what products are being developed that can be applied to the hotels?

ah.... very blur.....

Two days ago, I send Amanda HRM. & Ahhhhh. I didn't know need to change to T&D. Now I need to do again...

After this would be DESATT. ahhh... I beyond dateline...

& MICE.. ahh..... haven't started..

shagg..........................

I am aging fast. Darker Circles, Larger Eyebags..

Back to square one

2010-12-18T13:05:00.002+08:00

Woke up not long ago. He said "I'm late already. You want help me iron clothes or not". I jokingly refused. He got fed up. After I washed up, I told him I help you iron. He was pissed and said "don't need la. just now ask you help me don't want. now I want iron finish already lah!"

& I went to lie on the bed. When he was about to leave, he gave me goodbye kiss. But I did not spoke. So he said "it is your fault know. you don't want help me iron clothes!" as I prepared myself to buy food downstairs he came in and shouted, you okay already or not? I'm late already know. and blah blah blah blah blah (this happens almost everyday). I got angry too and refused to go down. and he say I everytime like that one, slammed the door and left.

last night, I waited until 4am for him but he still isn't home. woke up in the morning just to see him leave. (yet again, this happens almost everyday).

how am I supposed to know what is on people's mind? what am I to do? what can I do?

but auntie Eileen said, sometimes there's just no solution. You can be wondering what a pedestrian is doing along the walkway, but you will not possibly ask him/her what are they doing, thinking or going. true..

anyway, I am feeling better now thank you. left cough and flu. Oh yeaps, new tenant is here now. I'm going out with mum to bukit panjang plaza for lunch now. after that I'm going to Jurong for another Badminton match with Lian Hai! Hohoho....

2010-12-17T12:15:00.003+08:00

I was late for school yesterday. Stuffing in the 2 egg tarts auntie Eileen packed for my breakfast. No appetite. So lethargic that I stayed out whole of the 2 lectures. was suppose to go for a free 4-course lunch at Charcoal restaurant for fine dining etiquette but I skipped it. what a pity.

Then I went home, they were playing X-BOX kinect. How cool. Yet again, no energy for that. Laid on bed, and catch up with the recent drama "Mary stayed out all night". Its been awhile since I last stopped on school work. excitingly waiting for episode 13 =))

Later in the evening, while I was tidying up my stuffs, he came by my place. apologized and all then I became soft-hearted again.. awww...

anyway, I will be leaving on the 23rd instead. so more time to complete the projects.

& then, dinner and back to his place.

watch tv, took medicine and off to sleep.

Today, I was too sick to go to school again. sigh.. why does the medication not work? I even drank plenty of herbal tea like pipagao, orange juice, ginseng chrysanthemum, chrysanthemum luo han guo, and almond peppermint. I drank all sorts of them! Still, I am lying on the bed unable to do anything. Or maybe I should go back Jurong and play badminton later? haa..

weak..

These days

2010-12-15T23:57:00.003+08:00

I was sick since Sunday night.

It was his birthday, so I persevered through as though I looked good.

Pre-celebration was with mum and her plans.

On the actual day, I got up early and dress up for the day to make him happy.

I did not went for morning lessons. Still, I went for afternoon lessons.

Then took MRT to Tiong Bahru afterwards. Bought Mefline together with his chirstmas gift and a small cake like I did last year.

Met up & happily enjoying the times we spent together.

I took him to a Japanese restaurant, Kuishin-bo. sigh.. It was a pity I had no appetite.

Cab down to Suntec, walked around and got him an expensive gift.

Bus to MBS to take his charger and bus back to Paulaner for a nice cosy drink.

After partying at Shanghai Dolly, yesterday was the third time I got drunk.

Nice.. The drinks were super powerful.

Hangover and was so sick. So I did not went to school.

In the afternoon, we ate the black-forest cake that was being dropped around the entire night.

*laughs* with no candles lighted. sighh. (oh yes, today was his Chinese birthday.)

took medicine & I went back to sleep the entire day. woke up at 2030, went down to buy dinner.

He got sick too. Infected by me. sigh....

after dinner, watch television, use computer and took medicine again.

Before going to bed, I wanted to look at the pictures taken last night.

I told him and asked for password but he refused to tell me.

So I guessed and it was right. Then he got angry and scolded me loudly.

"why do you want to look at my phone? No privacy is it? Give me back okay. Later you saw things with Ilias (his friend) again then you unhappy, want to find quarrel with me. Why do you always want to quarrel with me." etc...... and took back his phone and slept.

For this, I was stunned at that moment and was unhappy. I thought. is there a problem? I've never wanted to find quarrel and I merely wanted to take a look at the pictures yesterday. He say until I always want to quarrel with him. Sigh...... so unhappy..

So, I packed my entire stuffs and shifted back home.

Before that, I as I was searching for my phone, he told me "you see. Everytime quarrel you just want to shift back home. next time if we get married already how? now I am sick know, and you want to quarrel with me".

I did not even spoke at all but he said I wanted to quarrel with him. Who is the one who has been sick for so many days yet did not complained. worse of all, his 5 secs rule. he went back to sleep directly (this happens everytime). He did not even try to stop me or anything. disappointed. & I have to gladly accept it because that is him. he can just fall asleep even during such circumstances.

& I cab back home even after spending a bomb in a day. Blogging now despite being so sick. I am so unhappy. What am I? That was how you treated me everytime. Now that nothing is left, I will not want to turn back again!! It is always me. Never again! Sick Sick Sick.. headache.. sigh....

back down at the lift, there was a guy talking to his friend. his friend kept apologizing to him saying sorry for causing you so much trouble. after that, his friend left. So as I was carrying bags, I left one on the ground. That guy, with hair length like mine, wearing green shirt, took my bag that was on the ground. I felt so ps.. keep saying don't need. But he still held on to it. I pressed the level 5 and he pressed level 10. After reaching, he kept saying want to help me carry to the door step or what. Then I kept refusing and finally he gave it back to me..

He scared me off completely.. Gentlemen or what?

why must unhappy things keep falling onto me.

stucked

2010-12-11T19:22:00.002+08:00

My arm is in pain! I went back to Jurong yesterday. Played badminton for 1 and a half hours non-stop! It is aching badly now.. ouch...

projects projects projects.. I can't seem to finish any of it now.

Marina Barrage. WHO ARE THE COMPETITORS OF MARINA BARRAGE?

Business Finance. Have not been doing tutorials = Need to do the tutorials before I know how to solve the sum!

MICE. Teacher say don't start first.

HRM. I want finish other projects first!

HHOPS. Jam.

ICT. Guildlines are not out yet!

what to do now?

business finance tutorials. sigh.....

bad dream

2010-12-06T22:18:00.002+08:00

I didn't quite get it. when I reached home today, the lift stop at level 3. As I was wondering why, a lady stood in front of the lift unwilling to step in as I arrow 'UP'. She responded okok indicating she wants to go down. So as the lift door was shutting (extremely slowly), the lady pressed UP again. I do not know whether to laugh or cry la..

Just like previously as I go to school, I was in the lift until it stopped at level 3 or 4 I couldn't remember. A elderly stared at me refusing to come in the lift until I indicated 'DOWN' sign to her. She slowly walked in, and as the door was slowly opening, she said 'thank you ah boy' in mandarin. like 谢谢小弟. I thought to myself: aww.. damn.. why didn't I wear my 小弟 shirt to school today. Could have pulled it off better. haa..

& back to last night, I had a really really bad dream. It was the worst dream one could ever have. Here it goes. My phone rang once. I did not pick up. As I was talking to my friends, my phone rang the second time like 15-30mins later. Then someone told me, 'eh, couple of hours ago, this number called my phone also'. It was my granny's house phone number. At that moment, one could sense something is wrong. I was supposed to take care of her. I called back but no one answered. I rushed to her house finding no one in the house. Then I went to the master bedroom washroom. I cried my lungs out okay. I think she fell but somehow or rather, the head was not intact to the body. & the cordless phone was right in her hands. I kept blaming myself had I answer earlier, things would not have been that bad. I kept thinking what should I do? Call the police or ambulance first? Police but she isn't murdered. Ambulance but she is already gone. I do not know what to do until someone told me 'eh you follow me la', so that I will know what to do. Then suddenly became 2 persons. They crossed the bamboo (hang clothes type) to another building. When it was my turn I was on the center the bamboo poles then someone woke me up. Sigh... A bad dream. Really bad one. I put it in the nicest way already. Deep Sigh..

Reality. more and more things I see and I know. If I'm bound to know, I have no choice. Even though it is hurting, I still have to gladly accept it. I want to clear my mind.

There's 2 test tomorrow. Yet to study again. I have been too reliant on last minute explanation that I need to get over it. I need to get back to the right state of mind. I've been staring at my computer looking at conversations. After long hours of staring, my eyes could barely see clearly but I kept forcing them to see. Sigh... test test test. hope I could just get over with it.

proper

2010-12-04T11:21:00.003+08:00

woke up early in the morning suddenly again. these few days has been a torment for me. hmmm, I kept checking whether the evil star has arrived but the water did not dry up. There's Still Water! though there's alot of salt formed from crystallization, i kept wondering whether i should change the water? & where did the salt even came from? its pure water that is filled in it. well, this year hasn't been a good year for me definitely.

social networking - it was said to have its pros and cons. I'm beginning to get myself out of Facebook. I mean, at least for the time being, I'm staying away from it.

& sigh... these few days, really came tough on me. Wish I knew nothing and none of these had happened but can't help it. I just have to live with it. It is life. Now sharing a tangible product I have, I never like toys, dolls, bear or the cute little stuffs. In total, I have 4 of them, one of it whom particularly speaks. those memories, i should be happy that i was once that happy before. grateful and appreciate of what i once had. I've tried to mend but since nothing can be change, it is fated. the present and future i'm gladly welcoming it. in life, there are many ups and downs. for something taken away, there would still be something given for me. Constantly seeking ways to be happy, it evolves from catching crab, talking to gf(s), sourcing for adventure, to gazing upon the sky, sleeping, daydreaming, eating prata, running, to hanging out with friends like Jia En, Yen Ni & LiFen wifey, go jb for my fav bkt or elsewhere, watch drama, prawning, drinking, working, to opening up & share problems with other friends, occupying myself & to blogging. Now, i think it will be kite-flying and playing badminton with my younger brother. he is so young and innocent, always asking me to do these plus prawning with him. I should play more with him, hope to give him more wonderful & colourful childhood memories.. I'm grateful I had a wonderful childhood life, always following all my relatives around.

am i really regretting the opportunity i was given to migrate to Aus years ago? rejected bcos of mum & reason out that i should complete my 'O' levels here first before i think again. when results were great, I've chosen to go to Singapore tertiary school. should i even think about it again? or persevere and probably choose again after poly? nah, i shouldn't fret abt it so much. just take one step at a time. hanging out with old friends ytd is still the best. they understand me most and vice-versa. common topics, laughing out loud. Fun.

btw, complication happened ytd. I couldn't express my feelings out. Feeling upset, angry, feel like laughing, the all sorts of feelings. yet, i still went to catch the movie Narnia. I can never miss a single episode of Narnia. Yet again, it was a nice film but at the end, it was still reality again.

just hope there would be peace in my life. i definitely need to go back jurong during holidays. prata session should be held too.. =D

my current life.

untitled

2010-10-26T18:37:00.005+08:00

I'm not really happy when i saw it. But i've still got to live with it. It has became the fact now. Get over. I can't be selfish all the time.

Back to reality, i need to shift back home soon. new sem, even hands-on modules now. projects and exams are coming really soon. i'm going to finish my first project tomorrow. going with the ladies to Peranakan Museum!

I want to lead a carefree life. Don't want to think about any unnecessary issues. But it just seem to not go away. Perhaps so, after poly? wahaha.
I'm going to earn lots of $ again & TRAVEL!!!

& i should also probably record my happy days as well. if not, in future when i look back, its all unhappy moments.. I SHOULD CHEER UP MORE... my face is getting more stone, black-er and more chui each day.. shag..

laze

2010-09-13T13:47:00.002+08:00

i hope i can lie dead on the bed like this and not move forever!!
i'm just so slack.. so lazy... so tired... as usual...

but i need to go and bathe, free turtle, cut hair etc etc.. shagged out..
i need go back jurong to study.. argh.....
com'on.. wake up wake up.. such a lazy pig..

& yeah!! next week is amber lounge week!!!
it is finally here.. after a year .. wkkk..
i'm going to work.!! i don't care.. !!!
this week?? i just want to laze like this leh.. sians...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

pathetic

2010-09-06T21:33:00.003+08:00

I smile whenever i see the face of you..
I smile whenever i reminise the wonderful past memories we once shared.

I want to make you feel how i feel
I just want to share with you happiness, my sadness, my problems..
I tried so hard making yet failed to let you understand my feelings..
I tried so hard making and yet again, i failed to let you get my point.

Even the last message you send, I still failed.. such a pathetic loser ain't I?
Most of you must be wondering why am i behaving this way..
sighh..

Running tap water..
I so much hope you were there for me ..

好痛

2010-09-04T14:44:00.004+08:00

不知道为什么，眼泪一直不停的流下来。
觉得生命活得好没意思。
心里一丝丝的痛，不管我做什么都没用。

went to meet baby at CHIJMES for a break yesterday night.
baby ordered Pizza & we had our usual drinks.
I'm always so in love with flaming lambo.. tasted so heavenly.

Later this morning, we went down for breakfast.
After that, he bought chai fan for his brother. asked if I have 1 dollar coin. I searched and said no. There then, he said i'm always like that. .

I wasn't happy. I walked away. It was as if my fault for not having a dollar. & that mere unhappiness just turned even worst later on.
He pulled me in front of many others in the coffee shop. He always does that even knowing i totally dislike that. Like grabbing my neck around his arms. making me nearly tripped. I always feel inferior and insulted this way.

fine, i walked another route. & then he shouted, I want go NTUC. I ignored and walk back home. I was standing outside the door waiting for someone to open so that i can bring whiskey down for a walk.

he didn't go to NTUC, took the next lift up. knowing Alicia, another roommate was in the living room, he hack care, opened and slammed the door and scolded me for not helping him take newspaper when he wanted to go to NTUC. ''i mean, what is the basket for then?'' then say its all my fault, don't know what am I angry about. he should be the one to be angry..

I walked into the room, took my things & he pulled my shirt almost tearing it and pushed me when his brother was only beside, sleeping. I was seaching for my handphone pouch then. Gave up & wanted to leave when he grabbed my wrist real tight. But still left.

It hurts so much. Was it all my fault then? Why do i deserve all these from him? What about in future then? must it always be this way? must i always be treated by him this way that he keep on telling me he already treat me very good.
what's the point compared to how much i tolerate, persevere, forgave and forget?? whats the point when i am always reminded of the nasty facts??

He didn't understood the sacrifices to still accompany him during his off days when i am having exams. Exams that I am struggling to even pass. why must it always be this way?

it hurts so much now.. this is the only place i can write to relieve all heartache without having my parents to worry..

dear god, why must it always be this way.. I really can't hold on any longer.. I have suffered enough.. tell me what to do will you?

alright, my eyes are swollen now.. i should just stop tearing so that they won't ask during dinner..

that much I could say

2010-06-21T17:15:00.002+08:00

save me, I can't seem to concentrate. one week left before I finish all my projects and undone work.

21st April 2010

2010-04-21T15:48:00.002+08:00

as usual, nearly late for school again. eyes almost falling onto the ground.

Essentials of Financial & Management Accounting lesson was fine.
Business Law wasn't that fantastic. Bored to the max. Nothing goes into my brain.

On the way back home, James DiDi called me.
He: Sheena JieJie, are you at home?
Me: No. Why leh? Nobody at home ar? You don't have keys meh?
He: I have. But I scared of ghosts
Me: = = " Then you stay outside even scarier right!!?
He: But outside no ghosts ma
Me: = =" then you never call papa, mummy, sarah jiejie and vincent kor kor meh?
He: orh. i call Sarah jiejie lor..

{Dislike what that is going on in me}

weird

2010-04-20T01:03:00.003+08:00

am i always that emotional and unhappy?
i believe i am. even so after I went poly.

rent a place at JB, Batam or what, is good enough for me. never to bear the high living expenses here.
too young to survive?
when there is a will, there is a way. but never mind. my life is dull. 2 weeks later speaks. I shall persevere for the moment. In this confinement. dying..

basically, school SUCKS

there it goes again

2010-04-12T11:39:00.004+08:00

not feeling well. not sleeping well these days. sighh..
headache since yesterday.
going through the toughest times.

anyway, cancelled my work today due to many reasons.
fayei and everyone said today event is v impt. need alot of staffs.
sighh.. really sorry.

I need some distractions. Given the additional flashbacks, I'm a bad feeling, bad experience.
images, messages, physical items, everything. yet, again. to think i actually touch the miao.
feel like jumping down. i swear i will leave this place. soon as i save enough.
cravings since ages: the BKT. arghh....

worn off. (angel - sarah mclachlan)
PeiLing.

moodless

2010-04-10T01:32:00.005+08:00

just reach home after work.
monday work at 12pm. after work go class chalet.
tuesday work at 7am
thursday work at 3pm
friday work at 7am
I must occupy myself. Tire myself out. School reopening soon. Definitely not looking forward.
&I shouldn't cling on to what that doesn't belongs to me.

i am so dumb. will something please stop the incorrigible flashbacks.
the say:
I've got nothing to do with you. . .

lnG. i fear.

i try to mend myself

2010-04-07T03:35:00.003+08:00

A Dream

A place so familiar. My girl was there. She was by my side. Seeing her was one of the joyous occasion. Brightening up my life, like a child of my own. Never to mention it.
She gave me warmth, comfort and hug when ever I needed. Sleeps beside me soundly, known as the sounds the prescence. I was happy to see her.
I knew I was good at forgetting things. Especially the unwanted ones. Not the cruel ones unfortunately. But it seems that the place & certain memories has never parted. Damn myself. What kind of thoughts. Geex.. Sigh.. I know I can never bring myself to that scene once more. Events that took place before, it had proven to occur repeatedly. I am and will be happy for you.
I must never forget still to learn, the art of parting and moving on.

Reality

Soreeyed pictorials, the written, heard, felt senses, aroused verbal assault within myself. What's on me now?, "Loud scream!". I wish I turned back time. But I was told before, things will not change. I will just be hurt once more. Fish It! Will someone please gave me. Let me drink 'meng po tang' or something. damn. Fish! ERASE ERASE ERASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!

Given up on myself

school. starting soon. i still hadn't bring myself out of Singapore yet. I need a time out. I have no force to study. I'm just aimlessly doing what had I supposed to. what can I do to salvage myself. I should find time to eat fried ice-cream at upp bukit timah.

Home

working till late night, or spending nights out has definitely created unhappiness amongst both my families. I must strive to earn more. Buy a home for myself. Or rent a room out. As soon as I can. To refrain from questions that stresses me further. Maybe I should, go overseas. Work More!! Hates School! Hates Reality!!

Teardrops

My heart aches a million times now. Writting aimlessly. Heading no where. No bus to Malaysia now. Thats the only way no one could find me. But it is just a temporary solution. Can anyone bring me out. I need fresh air. I need to step out of my unhappiness. Do whatever I can to forget reality. It just keep flashing back. For Fish!!

0454am

Still not sleeping. sigh.. I should get some sleep. replenish energy to be able to wear myself out tomorrow.

The occasion

auntie eileen birthday ytd. did not celebrate with her. dd birthday today. what should I do? i'll find time, i'll find reasons for you. less than a month would be my birthday. I need no birthday celebration. Thanks mummy for giving birth to me. You're the only one I trust.

Kneel. Sinful. Sinful. Hatred among myself.

Marlene LEE!!!!

2010-04-01T17:00:00.001+08:00

Its My Girl Birthday today..
Happy Birthday to You!!
Sorry. Jie Jie is working.

Haix..

mesmorized

2010-02-21T21:46:00.012+08:00

back with baby, Joni & his ah po from their hometown. 5 days without him feels so terrible. rushed to get gifts and headed over last friday after exam. elated over the hills upon seeing him. bai nian with his parents. yet again, I miss him terribly.

the loving him was afraid I get poor results for this coming monday's exam. so he sat by my side till late at night after I finished by revision. accompanied me despite being tired and everyone sleeping. he cook for me his specialty fried rice when I am hungry. It was delicious.

during saturday, baby brought me over to a cafe to study. had yummy drinks =) little things making me falling in love with him so deeply. walked around and realised there were huge variety of nice items sold cheaper than malaysia there. shall visit once free again =)) Love Life @ BB's hometown. not what everyone would yearn for but for me. during nightfall, baby treats family for dinner. It was Uncle's Birthday. Happy Birthday.

Alright. Back to study. I shall study hard not to disappoint him. Driving force back & I am Joy to the Max. I love you more and more baby dear.

Sheena.

Just Let Me Pass

2010-02-19T06:04:00.002+08:00

prays hard I get a D today, in 3 hours time for my Marketing and Monday's MacroEconomics.

I totally did not study, do not know anything. I am going into a hall with empty brains.

Last Resort: May miracle be with me.

torments

2010-02-17T23:22:00.005+08:00

TRUELY MADLY DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH HIM

BB. I MISS YOU INEXPRESSIBLY!!!!!!!!

CNY 2010

2010-02-16T10:33:00.007+08:00

Happy New Year & Valentine's Day

A moment so precious was spent with my dearest.

the lovely him got me a love hug rawrr! cushion massager.

very sweet ^ ^ I love It very much. (Thanks Dear)

It was reunion dinner afterwhich we met up. We had lovely mcdonald breakfast before he headed back to homeland. Baby I Missed You! Come back soon and play and entertain me!!

Took a nap and off we go for house visitings =)) [More Pictures Uploaded at FB]
I shall continue with my sleep. Good Night =]

How About This

2010-02-02T21:42:00.010+08:00

my recent doings again. (i always blog about it)

Today was EffWs Final Exam. & that is the end of the module. its only short; limited; hectic time to rush finish a 40% weightage project. but I believed my group done well. Mrs Nair says our recommendation was good. Thank Goodness. Hard Work and all the effort paid off. Its sounded so great to only hear the good stuffs. I've been staring at the screen for hours for days. Dark Circles, Eye Bags getting worse. Brain cracking days. keep on editing and editing. Thanks...

now that one module is gone. next week will be another final exam for another module. I have got a C grade for this Business Software up to date. Got to work hard. & I should get some rest. No. I slept upon finishing doing usual routine today. But each time upon hearing "Sheena. Come out for dinner", I would jump out of my bed. It didn't felt like I have took the nap. *yawn* For other cases, its only 12 days to CNY, & 17 days to Final Year Exam for hardcore modules. Boiled down to work again. No D No D No D!!!! Never!!!! <<<<--- Ya. I wished.

In My Final Statement, it would be:

**********************

LiFen: -______- wait till you see me long le..

JiaEn: Don't think it is updated lehh. Thanks =)

Gatti: Hoho.. Ya. I think he is jealous. tsk tsk tsk..

Huai Yue: Haha.. ya want?

Dil: Wtp?

Mef: Eyeing on you. you must beware of Sheena. xp

No la.. just her songs are nice.. Don't really know her till you showed me.

I've Got a New Hair Style

2010-01-28T16:43:00.014+08:00

You know. I went to get a hair cut yesterday.
As usual, booked appt. with James at Two Way.
haha.. I know you're excited LiFen. XP
there you are.. pictures uploaded.

In order not to frighten you, I shall show you left side first.

and...................................

there goes the left side.

And .. when I changed to fringe to left parting instead..
(so that I can still work =D)

I think my new hair is cool. haha.
when BB saw me. he said "Why You Cut This HairStyle?!! You think very handsome is it??!!!"
when Mummy say me. She was shocked!! Again!! haha.. she said "Why Cut This HairStyle?!!! So Nan Kan. Why don't want grow long. Wana dye hair or not"
Well , I wish I could. but if I do so, I won't be able to work and hair gets dry.
&& too bad.. I always wanted a even shorter hair cut.. I need I want & I will do it!! & I'VE DONE IT!! XD I actually wanted botak, I wanted to shave. But if I do so, I won't be able to work. =[

I think I'm the most handsome in class now.. XP.... Miel you watch out..

about other stuffs.., I am feeling hungry now. I kinda dislike my wisdom tooth located on the upper right hand corner. food will get stuck and kept biting my mouth. Eeeeouch..

Gotta start doing project now. Bye peeps...
Love MySelf =D

a day

2010-01-26T17:54:00.002+08:00

Just had my dinner.
Lying on my tummy now.

Finally, the hectic weeks are over.
last Monday, Accounting ICA
last Thursday,PMktg Presentation
yesterday, Macro Presentation
today, was Excel ICA

but I've made alot of errors for today's test =( 20% module fly away )=
next week EffWs presentation. have to start prepaing.
Major Exams in 3-4 weeks time.
Cutting hair tmr. I wanted to shave.
however, I won't be able to work then.
Hence, will be cutting short. shorter than before.
gonna have my 4th Short HairS. since last June. I'm so excited.
Working this Sat. Finally. Hope my hair can pass.

Bad News. I need to work extra more.
because starting from today, I need to pay my own phone bill.
I'd guess I won't have enough to save for driving lessons (till yr3). sigh..
*Not That My Phone Bill Exceeded. *But purely the thoughts of them that I have millions!!???
Still have to pay father the phone I bought. sighh.. why is it always about $.$

I don't feel like blogging these few days.
probably because I'm free from problem?? xD

alright. a song for you.

take care =))

love,
sheena

Boiled

2010-01-15T21:26:00.004+08:00

9.27pm

Finish my medication for the 3rd time. Hopefully I am fully healed. $200 plus spent for nothing.!!!! =((

I stayed up till 6.30am yesterday. Do Stats Tutorial, EffWs Project, & PMktg Project. 10am class. Shag. Trust me. I won't get a D for my Stats ever again. Its my fav. subject now. =D

PAcc test this monday. O.O Special Journal. Have yet to study. yar.. the subject which I got debared. KNN. I make sure I score a decent grade to screw PAcc. Last Sem I didn't study for Final Exam. Got a D. KNN.

Endure Endure. Guess I will be having the worse CNY ever this year. I make sure I earn alot this coming holiday. Broke like mad. & I swear I will quit Prawning!!

I am stress. I want to get out of this miserable place. LiFen. Bring me out....!!!

Encl.

12 January 2010

2010-01-12T23:06:00.005+08:00

Just two more months. Bring me through this tough times! Deep Sigh.... I always seemed so troubled. Deep Sighhhhh...

Just complete BM0022-Effective Comm. ICA2 today. 25% weightage. Managed to scribble through. Not holding high hopes. BM0011-Stats. presentation tomorrow. I believed my group will do well. Basically, its ICA-Jan month.

Oh yeah... its true. Last Sunday, doctor diagnose I am having my 3rd throat infection. 3rd time in the 2 month. Doctor really earns my $. Medication again. Its still there. I HOPE IT FULLY HEALS THIS TIME ROUND!! frigging piece of shit. Sighhhhh.. Diarrhea gone btw. Finally. . Appetite back. Great.

This minute. I feel so restless. I am tired. I feel that things are falling apart ever since that incident. I couldn't catch up. & I feel so lost now. sighh.. Bring it back to me will you?...

I have been listening to this song for the whole day

sleep early everyone. tomorrow is going to be a better day.
good night.

Flashback/Erased

2010-01-08T13:17:00.009+08:00

Reflecting through some past issues.
There weren't any visible flaws
rather, I was dumb enough to not have notice the defective portion.

Miel calls me a fool. says I am stupid. Still, she respects my decision.
Damn. I'm so getting into her.
Lady, do well in your studies (Or You Will Regret) & get better ones! xp

A pack of lies is all I could think of.
How could one be able to multitask on such issues?
& be able to hide for that period of time
& still not speak the truth
(how long did you planned to hide?)
made me feel like a total fool.

To what extent are you willing to? able to?
3rd time probably that I'm experiencing such jokes/games.
You kept me totally in dark. Kept me totally blinded.

to have taken another step out,
I must stop thinking of these.
Sighh.. Can never take a blow like this anymore. (ifs')
hurts like the bleeding on my hand.
its all fear in my heart now.
total darkness.. total blankness..

realised I have been writing da-vinci each time
if you understood, great - we understand me, or we share the common thinking.
if you don't, think harder.

where's my principle? what's my legacy?
Thanks to you...

Perhaps

2010-01-04T21:33:00.003+08:00

9.33pm.

For the past three days, I have been watching 'Tao Hua Xiao Mei' and 'Hai Pai Tian Xin'.
Pondering which phone to get still. Perhaps, W995. Cheap, Good, Save Money.
I could have save $39 today (for phone). Alright. Reason was I'm late for school. Must produced MC. If not, debarred.
Nonetheless, looking on the brighter side, it is good that I visit doctor. Sore Throat starting again. Hope it is not Throat Infection. Medication again.
I probably have eaten too much seafood. like 5 mins ago... I was enjoying some huge clams.. Never had I tasted such big clams. Dad's friend gave it to him. Caught at Mandai they said.

Well, school schedule is going to be Hectic. though there isn't any school this thurs and fri. projects deadline and test are driving near each time. Yet, CNY & holidays are nearing as well. I must be more positive ya.. I need to dive into my pool of books soon.. working this sat and sun.

Hmm.. Thats about it.
This is for everyone. Enjoy..

Live everyday to the fullest
Love,
Sheena

Fact

2010-01-03T18:18:00.006+08:00

I dropped my phone in a Trans cab after counting down.
There's alot of information, contacts, schedules, etc.
[Sorry]
Yes, just when my line is exactly 24th month this coming 5Jan.
All gone. But New Things are Rolling in.

I left without taking my Jacket too.
If it wasn't for Joel, I'd guess I have to turn back and search effortlessly.

Anyway, I am considering these 3 Sony Ericsson phones.
Satio, Aino, W995

which one should I let my hands on? Functions, etc, equally great.
Changing subscriber. Not sure about number. Shall see.
aye, I'm back at wdlands.
Going to have Dinner. Bye=))

New Light

2010-01-03T15:45:00.004+08:00

Happy 2010 to Everyone

I spent my last moment of 2009 with dearest.

Rushing to catch fireworks.

Walking along streets & alleys.

Living life has been tedious.

Catching a train each time we open our eye.

Welcoming good things that I am.

Unhappiness Forgone.

Tough on me, Tough on you, Tough on Everyone.

Water Bro, Learning from you, I will 'Press On'

I have been positive on things

Not thinking much, Not thinking less.

My new year resolution:

Everything on Earth to Enjoy Every Single Little Things There Is.

Love,

Sheena

searching, appreciate, happiness

2009-12-28T13:31:00.005+08:00

First thing first to share with people out there that is,

I am smiling

I feel a sudden happiness running through my mind. sort of crazy but this is blissfulness..

I feel like blogging.. feel that my blogskin is perfect. feel that this world is so beautiful..

I feel that I am fortunate.. I am satisfied with my life..

I love I miss my childhood life. .. I love I miss my family.. I love I miss my Baby..

I Love I Miss every single little things that is around me..

although it has been a bumpy road bumpy journey, I will learn to accept what I am what I have.. that doesn't mean I will not complain/rant certain unhappiness anymore. =))

why am I so happy? Perhaps, after seeing him?? =)))

I hope things will go smoothly, that I will not commit so many mistakes time and time again..

I am into him.. Crazy over him.. All about him...

May 2010 be a good year.. 2009 hasn't been a good one..

truth

2009-12-27T23:57:00.004+08:00

Falling In Love With Him Deeply Day By Day

- words deep down my heart

Weak

2009-12-26T12:52:00.002+08:00

Damn Me. I fell Sick again. Since 24th December.
How great. I spend my Chirstmas SICK AT HOME. =((

Throat Infection again. I don't really understand how I got it.
This time round it is on both sides of my throat.
Could barely talk or swallow anything.

I went to see doctor just early in the morning.
The lady gave me an Injection.
She said I probably did not recover from my last infection. which is about one month ago ONLY
damn.. I feel so terrible. thanks to the injection and medication I think I'm able to use com now.

Just don't understand why my body is always so weak.
Thank goodness there's no test. like the other time.

&& I feel so guilty and bad. I didn't really contact Baby as I was resting.
Sighh.. He is sooo Unhappy with me..
I really didn't mean to. Made him spend lonely chirstmas.
Sighhhhh...
Sorry Baby..

I hope I'll recover soon and make it up for him..

Loves,
Sheena

blissful yet breathtaking

2009-12-21T15:39:00.002+08:00

am i too much sensitive or what.
apparently, this does not applies to him.
just seen something i am not supposed to.
the first thing that runs through my mind was, i should have just let it go, let it run wild, back to its own land, own world.
but something is holding me back greatly.
i am sort of, in the mindst of processing my mind.
so confused, ain't know what to do.
then again, I questioned myself.
why did I have it when I know I can't. that I promised myself I'm not going to?
i feel like an intruder. stolen someone's else property when it could/might have been better.
why am i not thinking. why am i NOT THINKING?!!

& I seriously did not enjoy or go out that often until this december.
you guys know that. or rather. when I started prawning back.
nevermind. always take one step at time time. let nature takes it course when you ain't know what to do.

shall concentrate on my projects.
(I am going to find the truth)
you may or may not understand me.
but long more can I withstand.

lnG.

Elated

2009-12-14T12:50:00.005+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BABY!!!!

LOVE YOU!!!

Baby's birthday today. =)) Accompany him since Saturday - Midnight - after Mef's celebration. Later during Sunday night, went home, got change, out again with Baby. Catch a movie - The Storm Warrior II at Bugis Junction. (Baby we will NOT go to the theatre ever again).

Had steaming steamboat afterwards. Then there was the celebration at KTV with Conrad staffs. Around 20 people. Baby must have had been HAPPY!! - Birthday song, etc. Got him a shirt from Fred Perry. Never had I been so generous. LOL.

I feel blissful having Baby as my boyfriend. Now that the whole Conrad knows, Baby doesn't have to worry about people wanting to flirt with me. I am officially yours.

I feel so loved by him. I have a doting Baby. Loving Dear. Simply love him soooo much!!

Going to go home, and out to celebrated baby's birthday again later. Birthday Marathon. XD.. Prawning session for today.. Love Love..

Mef & Ber official Birthday tomorrow. 1st Ever apology first if I couldn't make it for tomorrow's dinner. you know. =D Mef got drunk during Saturday, her early Birthday Celebration - Drinking. CHIVAS - Beer Belly. Great that she is Happy. Happy that she is Happy.

Next week break. Finally.. By the way, I 've gotten a 2nd Warning letter. DAMN!! For ACCOUNTINGS!! by right you can't have an attendance of 85% and below. I've hit 83.3%. Proud of myself. One more time & I need to repeat my module the next semester. How great. Pray hard I will be punctual. Shugss... I wana work!!

Gonna go do school work now.

(Baby is still sleeping.)

with lots of love

Sheena

What to do

2009-12-06T01:07:00.002+08:00

Yes! Blogskin finally up!
Encountered some technical difficulties just now.

What have I been doing today?
renovate Restaurant City & Blogskin.
no choice
too bad
open book close book
hungry
going out
will wait till 4am and order mcd breakfast!

with lots of love,
Sheena

2009-12-05T16:04:00.004+08:00

What's for the coming week

Mon - PAcc ICA
Tues - Acesss ICA, EffWs ICA
Wed - Macro ICA

what could have been worse?
I need to find myself back
Stop thinking of unneccesary stuffs
*puff cheeks*

Very much want to change blogskin
Found one already
Very much want to change it now
Priority
It is going to take quite a bit of time
Dreams
I'm coming for you
First - studies always comes first
I think I've been too ambitious
Stressing myself too much
Giving too much pressure to myself
Hence Breakdown
Wants to quit school very much to fufil my dreams
but things would be better with a degree - sigh
Busy
Random
Mind swaying
Mind wandering all over
Random
Random
Random

2009-12-01T12:24:00.002+08:00

I wanted to share with you this but.........

I went opposite moments ago after I blogged.
I was happy then. Seems to me like a fresh start, a brand new day after all my rants. Sadly, this must happen. Chest began to hurt. like contracting alot especially under the sun. Sigh....

Initial plan was just to get biscuits plus milo. As I go around, obviously I took what I desire. =D Bought cornflakes, milk, cup noodles (so I don't have to bother to cook), bread. Think thats about it.

Pondering, Since I'm alrd opposite, might as well packet food home instead of eat junk food. Then again, while buying chicken rice, I thought I might as well get a bowl of lotus soup. and there again, I might as well sit there, relax, and happily enjoy my meal. Or should I get a drink
? Auntie came & I said Barley. Haa... Sooth my heatyness..
Enjoy such life... Peacefulness.. Watching the crowd..
Wish Baby was here with me

As I sat there, I was thought, maybe I should go get somemore MC seems I'm still unwell.
Nahhh.. I will ruin my whole semester. Left with a happy heart. While walking back home, headache. Whenever I turn my head, it is like slow reaction. I don't know how to put it. My stomach was uncomfortable somehow or rather. This happened ever since the day I fallen sick. Not sure whats wrong also. Chest hurts again. Seems to me like contracting alot till there wasn't any air. Took seconds before I can take another deep breather again. Well, my body is weak since young. Can't blame it. Just got to take more tonic,rest more and take good care of myself.
*Temporary thought: I have more of Mummy's gene. XD

such a good weather. great for cycling!!! =((

2009-12-01T10:02:00.003+08:00

it ended.
shall write down before I bring myself back.

stress, worries, problems that I am unable to manage anymore.

More so after Uncle Roland's incident, I became even wary of my family.
worries that problems would just come again non-stop.
Called Mummy ytd asking how is she doing, ask her out and everything.
Just want to know that she is fine.
Then again, I stay in the room the whole day just to wait for my parents to sleep but they did not. Knowingly, guess what? They was watching Drama? till 3 plus still haven't sleep? For the first time?!! and Yes. They caught sight of me. Out of the blue, asked me. "Sheena, you miss home isit?" I was shocked to not know what to reply. Were they eavesdropping on our conversation? or what? .. Com'on this question has made me miserable enough alrd. Please be more Sensitive lah.. & they said "you want to go home you can go home lah" <-- like I don't wished to??!! & I will on 21 DEC!! So each time, Mummy would asked me 'Marlene leh? how is she doing?' I would replied 'she is fine. sleeping like a pig now' I have been using this excuse for months!! Dad's side ask me Mum's also ask me. Sometimes, I'm seriously out of solution. I think back. What's more can I LIE? How much more do I want to LIE? Another dog will do it? What a joke. James & Uncle bought things for Marlene. Sis also bought things for Marlene. & that was months ago yet I was still unable to let her have it. Great Great. Nonetheless. I won't even mention a single thing to you. Because in your current world, Everything you think now is RIGHT! GOD DAMN IT!!!

studies.. I set aside 3 days to study. Fri Sat Sun. Enough time for me to study for my Macro, Effws, and complete all my tutorials. Unfortunately, Fri night, after bathing, I was feeling so unwell that my initial meet up for study was cancelled etc. I thought maybe I was need a rest. Spare me another half a day & I will be fine. like few days ago. Wrong. I had Fever running up and down. Throat was soaring PAIN. Swallowing saliva hurts. Friend came over to look after me. Bought my fav whipped potato for me but I really have no appetitite. Sighh.. & parents just want to keep on adding to my probs. Keep talking to me! For F? %&^%^*& Midnight. Fever ran up to 40 degress. I was wondering, has my thermometer gone wrong or what? Couldn't take it anymore. Went to see doctor. He diagnose it was throat infection. Baby took care of me meticulously. Forced me to eat porridge in which latter vomitted out. I had MC up till tues. Gave me a chance to study for my test. But I missed Lec. I'm going to get debarred. For sure. attendance hit 85%. sighh..
Back home, stepmum asked me so what's the prob. told her throat infection. Show it to her. & she tell me there must be a reason for fever to occur. When you're sick, you should consult doctor immediately. LIKE I KNOW WHAT IS THE PROB. LIKE I CAN DIAGNOSE WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!?? (sighh.. why am I so moody) Peace lah Peace lah.. Maybe I should just quite studies & work in Mediacorp or Airline or something. Then again, Mum words would always linger around my mind. 'I know you can'..................................... Deep sighh..
Anyway, I'm alright now. Infection still there. Still hurts.. Don't know when will it go off..

Baby said I have guys outside. For goodness sake. Guys.. pls stop your nonsense, telling me you love me or what COS I DON'T!! STOP WASTING YOUR EFFORTS!!! MFR!! I LOVE MY BABY ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT NOW!! IMMEASURABLE!!!
he got upset with me yesterday for not sharing what problems am I encountering, & going out in the middle of the night. Sighh.. Baby I'm sorry. I just can't explain myself yesterday. Sighh.. Hope relationship doesn't adds on to my problem. Which is one of the reason why I was soo reluctant to have it in the first place. Enough of problems Enough of troubles I AM VEXED ENOUGH!!!!! How much more life wants to Torture Me?! FREAKING HELL

Regarding some CB 'Friends' that I have. stop fking threatening me bcos you SUCKS!

now myself to fret. yesterday I took cab down to sch for PAcc lec. which in turn found out to be having problems myself. Paraniod? I do not know. but my chest, certain time I breathe in deeply, had seconds of out of breathe situation & giddyness. Whatever. Hungry now. Going out to buy Milo & Soh Ta Pia to run my day.

[FYI: Don't comment/talk to me abt this post. I will be fine. Don't worry about me because I wouldn't like it. It just adds on to my burden.]

Well.. It all occured together.
It is going to be a long day tmr. Duty Starts. and till 21 Dec.
Great Sense of War IS COMING!!! TSUNAMI!!!
(I bear no grudges I bear no hatred)

2009-11-27T17:59:00.004+08:00

PeiLing fallen sick yesterday.
Ain't know why. Slept throughout Macro lecture again. Couldn't take it anymore. Went home during PMktg class. Slept througout the day again.

2am came out to prawn. Cos Auntie Flora returning to Austrialia already. & the Aunties' want to eat the prawns I catch.
Apparently, don't know whether is it me or what, caught not much prawn.
Nonetheless, I believed I've recovered 90% already. Smile=))

As usual , Projects & Tutorials piling up my daily workload.
Listening to Titanic music now

// A short period creating memories//
Nevertheless.
Hope it remains this fresh everyday.

2009-11-23T23:09:00.002+08:00

phew.. just got home.
got quite uncomfortable in school. do not know why.
must be ytd's horfun. YUCKS. having a little of psychological prob w chocs too.
sigh.. couldn't finish studying. cuii..
guess i can never pull my previous GPA up already.
only if you were there..

anyway, someone is suggesting something to me.
hmmhmm.. Personally, I feel that you are immature leh.
you don't behave like any normal adults.
I think that somehow or rather, you think that you are in such a state all bcos of me. I made all those choices for you & that I owe you life. That you totally have no fault at all. Thinks that I must be together with you. You're not thinking that world is realistic. You are too dependent on him (father). You should wake up & take a proper look at this world, at yourself.
Everything human does, They have a choice. Every step they made leads them to something. No matter what it is, gd or bad, we must continue on life & quit whining (for so long).
Btw, There is only one person that I truly & only owe to. Its Her. Don't even probe.
[knowing you, you must be talking to yourself now & $%^$%$ me]
Whatever, I won't spend much time on this issue anymore. Disturbs & Irritates me.

Next up. Getting observant over family. Ever Since that heart prob that runs in my family. Increases my % of fear for close one leaving me.
My fear for stairs lessen.
Dislike Anonymous to advice me.
Tiredness Increases.
Stress level increase.
a thousand and one never-ending issues.

Cherishes

2009-11-23T18:29:00.003+08:00

I'm right afterall..
A total setback
A total trash back

tmr 8am Access test. wed BDD. i'd better do more CSC man..
next week test next next week test next next next week also test.
21 Dec - 3 Jan : 2 weeks break for projects.
Where shall I be at this countdown?
kind of stress out now. never do homework today. teacher kept tackling me.
save me..!! i need you!!!
currently in school revising for tmr's test.
something that i do not want..
wish me all the best..
am i doing the right thing? guide me pls.

(yet again, terrible)
loves Chibli

2009-11-22T16:25:00.002+08:00

Thursday.

Busy rushing my project to be submitted on Friday when I received a bad news.
Uncle Roland passed away. I got quite abit of emotional. Still, I managed to pull though my marketing project.

Friday.
Later in the night, I took a cab down to Singapore Casket. I couldn't help it. Tears just kept rolling down. Yeye was there, everyone was there. Hope that everyone are able to pull through this tough time. Shower loves upon Gloria, Timothy, & Auntie Carol.

Saturday.
Late an hour for work. Took a cab down. Money I earned thus spent on cab. How pitiful. (Having a sudden urge for icecream now). Anyway, Continuing on, work work work. Coincidently, I was serving Shuan's family. Their Niece wedding. 3 to 3. Not bad.

After dinner, headed over to Boat Quay to celebrate Gattison's birthday. Can't afford to back out last min as so many different groups of people were already called upon.
It started out at 10.30pm. It was a happy night. A celebration as well as a huge gathering. Gattison made FAMOUS. haa.. Martell, Chivas & Beer. yummy. Plan failed in not getting Gatti drunk. arghhhhh.... Beloved Carmiel got dizzy instead. -____- I seriously enjoyed the night out yesterday. Thanks to all who have been there. Made that night Eventful.

There again, limit limit limit. 2 or 3 jugs of beer more would kill me. but nahh.. can't get ugly during his birthday yahh.. He is not even Drunk! Tequila Sprite b4 I leave. Didn't know it tasted so absolutely nice =))

That night. DAMN HAPPY!

(guessed it is still getting clearer for me now)
for what was most significant now

2009-11-12T21:13:00.003+08:00

har har?????

i do not know what to do now.
another week of homework being piled up.
D=

Time is restricting from doing alot of things.
otherwise said: my time management is bad.

Tues
Haircut with/by James.
Told him I was bored of my hairstyle and he gave me
"a look"... Right side super short.
See me and you'll know.

At the same time. 3 people pisses me off after my happy haircut.
One don't know what's the prob.
The other put me on aeroplane to Arabia.
Another one, why did you even have a phone?!
'WHATEVER'

Wed
Rushed down immediately for work yesterday (after school - shag). 3pm
agreed Jovin to work already.
moreover, i didn't came over to help him last mon and tues. sighh..
[studies. Fish Man. Shag... Just more projects..]

OC. An event at Cathay cinema. had 400 guests.
hand not recovered. so abit diff to work also.
The same time, Berry hurt his hand, Jovin hurt his leg.
Karma..

Yen Ni and I got pissed off by some pple afterwards.
Nearly flared my temper if Ramesh didn't came.

Reach home around 3am. Died out..
Lesson at 8am today. I woke up only at 7.10am.
Chiong and was on time. what an relief.

Sadly, I really cannot take it. Really very tired.
Went out of Lecture theatre and slept one full hour.
Went home. Sleep again. Still Tired.
YAWNS!!!

Really wish to work tmr. But its Statistics. How can I pon??
sighhh.. Gonna go drinking with classmates tmr.
Jing Jie's BD. Following sat will be working at 5am.

Until my senses awake.

2009-11-09T20:03:00.003+08:00

last sat
celebrated ZhiWei's early bd at Helipad, Clark Quay. Nice environment.
lots of people fly kite. probably bcos it was really a last min decision.
ended up with only ZW, WeiFeng, JiaEn and I. xD
2 tower over there.

Headed over to Bungy later on. Cos it was ZW's friend. We got free ride!!
haha.. Hsiao Jing Teng was there as well. Heard that he is currently staying at C. Hotel too.
Forget to take picture. Tsk.

Was in a rush to BQ then and forgotten my wristband! hurts. I keep accidently hurt the spot. D=
Well, a little of Chivas there.
reached home ard 10am. and slept the whole of Sunday.

I seriously need to rush finish all my homework.
Will be working this wed, fri to sun.
APEC event.

Will be cutting hair tmr.
appt with James.
Next coming bd. Gattison?? haha

ending soon....

2009-11-07T00:27:00.004+08:00

5th Nov

8am to 11 plus school
was almost late by a sec probably. what a sigh. what a relief.

after which, work from 1 to 10pm.
in between, some miscommunications came upon.
but was fine after that. keep changing.

and because of some issues I freaking hell clean a total of 300 + glasses.
first time I took such a long hour to get glasses too. Break Record.

Showered. Headed home. Clean Up. Straight away pengx (sleep) without even switching off the lights etc.

6 Nov

Woke up late. Almost late for school. Just by a min.
Yet again, another sigh and relief.
8am to 4 pm school.

headed to ah mah house after that.
she brew soup for Rayson and me.
had dinner at her place too.
it has been quite some time I last tasted her culinary especially after the food paranomia incident.

Accompanied her down for exercise later on.
Bet my body is going to suffer from cramps tmr.

Back to Woodlands. Have been listening to the same song.
Two Way closed early today? Nobody answer to phone call.
Don't know whether James will be free tmr or not.
Wana cut hair.

Thinking whether to work tmr or not.
yes = 5.30pm & must straight away go to BQ
Sundayy Sundayy.. 12 noon
sigh.. see how lah.. yawns..

What's Wrong With Me.
Began not to understand myself

********

SB: Thanks. You will be of help by stating your name ya. LMAO

Gatti: Oushaa

mef: go out = spend $. sigh!!

JiaEn: Cheyy.. ZW says he don't mind though there's only 3 of us.

2009-11-04T19:46:00.008+08:00

What is happening to me?

Took a walk today after school.

Went to causeway point
FiNalLY got myself earphones (Sony).
Tested a few. Sound quality 'Not that bad'.
$39. Cheap. When time is right I will get myself a super good one.
Hopefully this doesn't spoil.

I then Made my way to Colds Storage.
Bought Some Groceries. & walked back Home.

Usual Routine.
now that I got my earpiece. I'm Updating my MP3.

Listening to "Hopetown Holiday" now.
I seriously missed playing in SSS under the baton of Mr Er Wee San.

Dislike Poly life although there's more freedom.
I don't mind rewinding back to sec sch days.
whereby the whole band plays as one.
heart beats as one.
shivering in the cold room..

now that it has been demolished.
well, i have nothing to say.

i missed #12. playing with me, for me, for the consecutive 5 years.

& then SheeYee must show me the Genting pic!!!

reminising those precious hours.
when I was sec2.
when we had so much joys and laughter
went to theme park and had lots of ride.
practicing together, getting in tune, playing as one.

WHOLE BAND!! Whole Band....
I missed those times greatly........
teardrops..

musicreminiscenes...

there's work tmr. 1pm. don't know whether to cancel or not.
hand is not fully recovered etc etc..
Shall See luh..

Homework all undone..

That Emotional Trauma.
Those things I've done.

ITS GONE & BACK!!

I am having the exact feeling as I had that time, Now.

Yet Again... (Breathless)

2009-11-03T20:26:00.003+08:00

Just look at what trouble I have got myself into..

*Laughs at myself**

I HURT MYSELF A THOUSAND TIMES HARD!

IWMCAISBA!!!!

Next week: Go Drinking with BK!!!!

Next next week: Go Drinking with SQ!!!

Cut my hair in between the weeks!!!

SHEENAAAA SHALL BE AWAKEEEE!!!

2009-11-03T12:06:00.005+08:00

someone just wouldn't let me have her.

my things back.

and/or rather not ready?

just kept me waiting..

next up.

holy shit. I have missed 2 lectures = 4hrs!

booo..

Last friday went to work instead of sat and sun.

ISTANA. next day woke up muscle cramps!!

leg kena bruises also.

Then Sun went back Jurong to celebrate DIDI's birthday.

bought Toy's Story Swensen ice-cream cake along the way.

Bought another Cookies and cream Swensen's ice-cream cake for Lian Hai too.

lol.. heavy lahh.. effort appreciated!

one thing proven: left hand still unable to hold tray.

Took a picture of myself using bro's cam.

haha.. i asked him to put as dp.

tell people that's his gf. LOL.

After which i went to DXO with my friend to drink.

Whiskey coke. lots of glasses for i can say.

then headed down to raining bar.

damn amanda sleeping!

had a little of chivas coke

i drank more then the other time yet no vomit.

how cool..

back to house opp for heineken.

yet again. i am fine.

another thing proven: my drinking skills' getting better. yeah.

GATTISON! 22nov LETS GO! xp

some self inflicted injuries..

and yeah. my rashes are healing fast! left those scratches only.. XD

my mood for the day:

sighh.. going to go for 4 hours of continuous lessons. BORED!!!

*******

JiaEn: shit you! "ni hao, wo shi jiaen. wo xian zai mei kong. QING LIU YAN!!"

Dil: alrights

S: no lah. some products.. back.. $5?

2009-10-28T21:32:00.004+08:00

Sheena is not really in a good mood now.

Sigh..

Feeling complicated. Yet again, have alot of unsolved issues, things that just kept made me thinking non-stop, that i have no idea what to do. Just so complicated.

Feeling unorganized. This sat is YeYe and LianHai's Birthday. But mum says can don't need go
back. But there's LianHai one too. promised to celebrate with him. It is his big 18th! I am going to get a nice cake for him! & Monday is James's Birthday! oh my my my my..

However, if I go back there, i'll need to change my address to work. Working for Apec event this sat 6am and sun 5am. I don't really have the mood to work yet. I feel that I shouldn't go back to Conrad yet. Moreover, I sprained my wrist. Don't know luh... Just so Complicated.

Dislike this feeling. Feel like I don't know myself suddenly. Too many problems that just coming and too much for me to take care of.

By the way, I develop rashes. Seriousness rated: 9/10
red skin, itching, rash. especially on my thighs. so, don't know how to work also lah. Just wish that it will be gone soon. Hope its healing. Joel, I hope I won't be like you. Scratching 24/7.

Prawn Fishing? My favourite activity nowadays? I went to prawn again yesterday. Was kind of happy. Caught 42 prawns in total. I BOUGHT MY OWN ROD!! xp
Quite expensive though. Got it at Changi with Shaun. ate Nasi Lemak there too.
But before that, I had Waffle Ice-cream at Gloria Jeans, NYP.
erm.. not very nice. compared to ICE3 xp

and as usual, I kept gaining and gaining weight. Drastically. reason: McDonalds' everyday! Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner just because of that monopoly thing! oh goodness.
my tummy won't go away. perhaps, due to the excessive drinking these few days as well?

Another thing. I want to blog about. Is regarding my workplace. Well. Everyone kept disturbing I like this and that guy.
"Perhaps I am too friendly to them? " some said.

I gave a it thought. Perhaps so. What do you think? I was known to be the super unfriendly girl in sec sch except to those whom I really know. Geex.. Sighh.. I seriously do not know. Should keep a distance. There again. If I am unfriendly, oh no. you wouldn't want that. joking? thats fine.
Saying until like I like everyone there? laughs... you guys should know.that for the past few years, who I really like. just in case you guys get mistaken now too. I don't anymore.

Not anyone else too. I like nobody.
and and.. I do not want a boyfriend.
so don't even try to matchmake.
I am having lots of problems already.
Thanks ah..

I just feel like shouting now.

About school? I have been average on that. Sometimes studying, Sometimes? Stoning.

Wana get a good headphone. But I need a Earpiece more that headphone.
Somehow or rather. my earpiece is spoil.
like ????

I Just need some music to blast me out
Just want to spill out all my feelings here now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Classmates are having some problems now too.
Hope they will be fine. I jsut seriously, wana have Peace.
everyone else to be happy.

breathless
(seriously. getting worse.)

2009-10-18T21:13:00.000+08:00

school starts tomorrow.

= Bored

= No Life!

=(((

2009-10-12T18:56:00.003+08:00

Hungry Hungry Hungry

I am hungry now

anyway, something is bothering me right now.
not just one but tons of it

i should step back shouldn't I?
Don't wish to go back to the same old route,
same old mistakes.

just hope I could get a better self out of me luh... HUNGRY!

6/10
Mugging at home for BTT.

7/10
Went to JP in the morning to buy things.
2pm BTT. I PASSED BABY! whoohooo!

So happy that i agreed to work aft that. haha

8/10
Went back to woodlands.
Didn't slept. Went to Pioneer Mall at 5am to get treat for breakfast.
haa..
Went back Jurong to sleep.

9/10
2hrs later got dig up to work at Conrad.! WP!
work till 9.30pm.

Supposed to work at Regent , 5pm.
Cancelled. Lol.

Went for a drink aft that. Mood was pretty low.
But was fine after that. =))

Martell coke, Heineken, Vodka Redbull, Vodka Cranberry, Fries.
Shiok. Gave me a gd night rest.
Thanks.

10/10

Work as usual. The initial Meet up w friends for drink was cancelled.
Sian. JiaEn you better make up for us!
=(( waiting for you
Supper aft that.

11/10

Dine at Marche, Vivo.
1st time there. don't even know that place excited.
The food was nice definitely. Super Nice!

Aft which watch Inglourious Basterds.
Not bad but draggy.

12/10

Laze till 4pm.
Booking with Esther.

Tues - Conrad & Regent
Wed to Fri - Conrad.

Sat & Sun - NEED TO REST!

Ahh... will I have the time to prawn?
=( Don't think I'll have the time if school reopen. sigh..
HATES SCH

Complicated Mood **

********

mef: working lor. haha. fun fun.

What day is it?

2009-10-05T18:13:00.003+08:00

work till midnight.
but got to ps CJ & Zong Da......

I am sosososososoosoo sorry lah..
Never expect them to leave so early.

Yeh. I went Prawning with Alvin & Steve.
Can say East Coast has v little p leh..

The other time I went with them as well, plus Kenneth & somemore to Bishan one.
They caught bigger prawn than me lah!!! Oh dear.. Humongous. Lol..

At the higher area.

Yeh so went we got down at East Coast,
I literally rmb i left my phone in the cab while taking 20cents out!

Oh my.. Steve called the comfort cs.
Alvin spammed my phone. Hopefully uncle will picked up.
but with no avail.

Anyway, thankfully to them, i managed to get my phone back.
Literally. Seriously.

I owe them big.
big Big BIG.....

& Alvin kept saying, nvm. if the phone is meant to be yours, it will be yours.
Oh my.. thanks to both of them.

i wanted to work this week but can't.
need to mug at home. for BTT.

never study at all.
going to slaughter pigs this wed....
hopefully scrape through?

Pls give me luck..

Anyway, something stab quite deep towards my heart.
But I am going to remain silent.

Hopefully it does goes away?
Shall see..

Just hope my feet recover fast now.
hurts..
love me?
buy blister plaster for me.

abt $10 for 6.

Till then..

********

Mef: Miss you too mef baobei =] hugshugs.. but hair like grow fast leh. sian sian..

JiaEn: So when am i going to see you again Laopodaren?

Cj: Space Space Space.. More spaces for you. Work lahhh...

2009-09-28T17:50:00.005+08:00

bliss Bliss BLISS =]

I am just so happy this holiday.

Especially ever since i started working for Conrad hotel. ^^

started working at Oscar's on 17 to 19. met lots of fun loving people =)

too long a story to tell. people there are just so friendly..

then on the 20. i worked at the banquet.
Bride and Groom are a perfect match.
Handsome & Pretty.

Sweet.. I witnessed a loving couple tieing the knot.
New friends there again =)

22nd I work at Mooncake area.
Yet again, more new friends.

After which 24 to 27 was AMBER LOUNGE!

I seriously had fun working for this event.

SO hype-up.
& that was my ever first clubbing experience.

=)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

loved my tables. !!!
they are so hyper.
one of the guest can actually speak good mandarin!
he is an angmoh. studied in BeiJing Uni for a year and Wow.. .

I was stunned..

although i worked like mad, it was still, Fun.
worth it.

like 15k for vip table. 5k for classic table? and 500 for chill out area.

oh dear... like celebs all around. ahhh.. my goodness..

no words could describe my thousands of feelings for that day.
amber lounge rocks!

yuqi, yaoming, denise & jiaen helped out too =)
hope you guys seriously enjoyed too^^

Oh gosh... This is my first time having so much fun working.

& happy working.

love Love LOVED...!!!!

dEAR people, my new hair now.

cut on the 21st. whereby James was finally avaliable.
Two Way Holistic =]

apparently thats the only pic left. My SD card somehow was corrupted.

anyway, I just hope school will start real late.
I am seriously enjoing life now. Prawning and more ^^

OH YES! I CAUGHT A SUPERRRRRR BIG PRAWN last Friday.
oh yeah Baby. the feeling was soooo Shiok man.

shall post it next time.

& my GPA? 2.0... totally screwed.. 3 D.. Pengx.. haha..
but, what to do? I've done what I could.

BYE! dON't miss me too Much =D

*****

gerald + mef : scared ou vomit nia. xp

yijing: msn lor

jiaen: alrights. AND MY BANGLES YOU ZHU!

Misson Accomplished...!

2009-09-17T00:29:00.014+08:00

Sheena woke up at 3 pm today by the constant ringing of house phone.

Don't know who kept calling and calling. Non-stop.

As, Mum kept calling me to cook.

So today is the day i shall cook.

[heh heh. she misses my chu yi XD]

Went to JE fairprice.

Brought ingredients which amounted to $72.50.!!

Expensive huhh.

Menu for the day:

(1) Baked Rice
(2) Rolled Ham

(3) Chicken & Mushroom soup (Never failed to have this in my menu =D)
(4) Chicken Fillet (Bro's special order)

(5) Grilled Prawn

FYI: First time cooking those on the menu except soup.

Hehe.. My verdict.. = quite nice ^^

Made smoothie later on..

Mango smoothie & Banana-Strawberry fruit smoothie.

Used wrong blender. Couldn't find the Mixer. Sian.

found it when i made everything -__-

but okay la.. taste not bad.

Vanilla yogurt rox..

NTUC never sell vanilla extract & soy powder protein.

shall try again next time round. heh heh..

going to work tmr. somewhere around cityhall at 7am.

find me if you can..

haha

gd night!

***

Kaiyi: Boomed!!!

Jiaen: I am going to see you!!! [provided if you are free xp]

2009-09-11T01:21:00.006+08:00

really dislike this but
"Stop acting like you known me that well because you don't".

Well well... Guess what?
I think i had one of the most fantastic school holiday of my life.
I've been enjoying myself greatly terrific this holidays.
spend alot of late nights outside.
So,where did i stop the previous round?

1st Sep? was going back to sec school then Night Safari with poly friends.

Following that i think? went Ion with Cheryl, Yuda, Ym, Ruoting.
After that meet my other friend and had icecream. watch the lion dance. & chompchomp I guessed. haa.

Then following that was that i went Boat Quay with friends.
Oh.. that day was significant. XD..
Met up Zhi Wei. Then Amanda & Debra my long lost in 6 and a half year friend.
Getting to see them was the most wonderful thing in my life.
After with JiaEn! Laopo! =D About 2 and a half year since i last see her too!! ^^
That was blissful... Fantastic day..
Well.. Drank Alot i could say. hehe..

Had dinner at chompchomp the following day.
andddd.. Ice3!! hehe.. getting fatter..

Well Well. then Sentosa on the [070909].
Planned to go for a tan but no sun and got sunburn real badly.
Especially on my chest. Yeee..ouch...!! =((

then went Vivo.. and erm eat BKT..

Then next day went Chomp Chomp with mum..
turn round and round b4 we got there. lol.
and prawning! bro was quite disturbing. Chong & Ct came along as well.
Oh.! I caught 16!! not bad yeh. more than CT. hoho...
went back at 3 +.

Night later went to Prawn again!
This time round Amanda was there too!! hehe.
But the catch wasn't fantastic........
reach home at 8 plus am.
Slept throughout. Wake up, eat alot. & went to meet Lian Hai for supper too.. Haven't seen him for years as well. XD

aww..... lots of things happened.. that. i could only say..
^^.. Happy

Carefree..

But work is starting soon. what to do. need to earn $$ to learn driving.
Will be selling mooncakes.

think can only book BTT on 7 Oct. hopefully there's slot.
& won't clash with SUBPAPER!

& off.. i will be back to woodlands.. i think...

bye... gtg orchard tmr early morning.
night people. =]

**

Mefline: I miss you too ^^ hugshugs

KaiYi + Chong: Aww... Stop that... Chongies..

JiaEn: I WILL SEE YOU SOON!! my bangles!! xD

Dillon: =))

2009-09-04T01:47:00.028+08:00

lots of things took place since the day i last blogged.
hmmhmm.. i shall recall...,,

9 Aug. Celebrating sis belated bd.

Beloved Darling Mefline
Wu Bao Bei. So Cute ^^

Someday during exam period.
Took a break while studying.

day before accounting paper which i totally screwed it up.
did not study for it at all.
too tired that i slept the whole day,

Kai Yi & Sister

Holidays' here. Out for NasiLemak but closed.

Hence Char Chan Teng =]

Out at Night Safari with Classmates

Yet to grab photos from YL.

So only Bro & I.

Brought him along.

Pictures & Pictures.

Sheena Lee Pei Ling feels like going for a drink right now.

But its late. so shan't disturb anyone.

Working soon.

went to Jurong Point just now. Bought some stuffs and catch movie, the proposal.

Quite nice actually. 4/5.

Watched Turning Point the other day also.

Not bad too 3.9/5.

After which went to Cycle & got sunburn.

Hurts quite badly now.

2009-08-21T13:40:00.004+08:00

Wa. damn sian la. One paper gone. GONE CASE.

Why? cos i did not really study.

Why? Cos of certain issues kept occuring which got me fucked up.

*If you would just leave me alone. & stop talking.

My exams was today! Call & call. Think funny ar? Did not have enough sleep for the past few days. Can't even have a gd night rest. What is this? please stop assuming you know me inside out! Pls Don't even msg or talk to me...
HATRED AROUSING....

Whatever.....

Just Stop... STOP!!

& i just seen something bad. did something really wrong yesterday too. so many issues suddenly popping out all over the place.. hope i can solve everything once and for all soon...

sian..
I WON THE RACE TODAY AGAIN! XLY!

-Jiaen: next next week. hehe. exchange hair style with you lor =D

-Kaiyi: Zim ZimER Chong Kai Kai Yi

-KennethC: Ken Kenneth Chong Chong Guan Quan thanks.

-Dil: O.O

-Gatti: Not good ar.. SIAN AR!! FAIL EXAM LIAO LAH!!

2009-08-16T12:43:00.006+08:00

I have no choice but to blog this.
I am just to happy luh!!! ^_^

But first upload some pictures first. =]

(Having my meal at North Canteen.
Too full. Seems to be playing with the fried rice.)

(Sharepointing in school till late night)
Presentation was bad.
But overall, not bad =)

* Credits to Zimmer Chong Kai Yi.

and now. THE HAPPY MOMENT!!!

I was having a foul mood yesterday.
totally can't do anything.
No mood to watch drama.
No mood to play games.

Mef and Kaiyi was entertaining me.
loves.................

But things got even worse.
Knew I really need to go out for a break.

Apparently alot of people not free.
But its ok..
During holidays alrights =)

Jimmy, Joel NS
Valerie attend Wedding
JiaEn working
Weifeng having exams.

BUT ZHIWEI IS FREE =D

So, I jio him out to prawn & drink. hehe
been quite some time ever since i touch beer.

Don't know how to go. So, called Kenneth Chong.

alighted at Bishan. Then blur already.
& he kept saying 7-11. But I Ended up at the other end of the MRT exit which is soooooooo far away lah..
O_O
At least I know the way now. =]

We prawned from 9 to 12.
Zhiwei become so fat already la. Haha. Opps.
Chong left at 11 to study. Sian.
Thanks for accompanying me.

But you missed out the greatest moment luh!!!

After 12, Zhi wei & I decided to extend another rod for 3 hours.
because the catch was so damn little. and we were bored.

Guess what! ZHIWEI CAUGHT A SUPER BIG BIG PRAWN!

I OO. Omg Omg Omg... Thats a big one la!!!
the giap was super long...

then zhiwei's friend help us to put in the green basket.
a pro beside us gave us some of his catch too..

KENNETH CHONG! I TELL YOU. YOU MISSED OUT THE EXCITING MOMENT LA!!

wa... the feeling was sooooo shiok.. ^^

cab back. reach home at 4.
Zhiwei took the big one. The rest I take.. haha..
Woke Auntie Eileen UP. & she. WA! the prawn so big ar!!1

haha.. Everybody was happy.
Happy ending!!!

But the picture kind of make the prawn look small
BUT IT WAS BIG LA..
In Zhiwei's pond swimming now..

hehe... HAPPY!!!!!

Foul mood eliminated thanks you guys!
Loves...... ^^

2009-08-14T22:44:00.004+08:00

Can't take these anymore.

I have been a fool.

I am not feeling right now.

Something is so so wrong with me.

I just wish and want to let myself out.

I need a get away.

there's a hidden scream, a hidden cry in me right now.

a loud one.

I feel so suffocated

There's no place for me to let out.

[JIAEN! beat you ar.. when then free??!!!]

lets regain our happy past days.

Shan't say any further.

*Hey. in case you are reading my blog again. There's nothing related to you here.

*FYI, pple out there. I dont't wish to and don't want to have a boyfriend. Thats all. alright.

*To every one out there, Don't assume you know me. Because you don't. There is no one that fully knows me. Other than my MUM.

Now, i have made my stand.
People, i hope you fully get my message.
Don't think you are doing to right thing because you aren't.

~ Needs more music to blast me out now.
~ Have been listening to the same music.
~ What have I been doing for the past few years?
~ a sign of disaster is coming.

GERALD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! where is the prata shop?!

lifen: make sure you do. don't make me ignore you.

2009-08-12T23:37:00.003+08:00

In a really bad bad bad mood..
exams are reaching.
this friday another presentation.
hopefully i won't fail again.
have been staying back school and pon lessons just to rush finish my part.
but an unfortunate thing came up yesterday.
overwrite my project with blank pages.
can't retrieve the files. can't do anything.

and some personal probs also..
kept stressing me time and time.
getting over on my nerves.

ON MY NERVES.

i am beginning to regain the bad bad temper i used to protray EVERYDAY.
don't make me do that.
cos you wouldn't be able to sleep due to my stare..
most famous during primary school
must ask lian hai =]

what ever. please just shun away from me..
i am concerntrating on my projects..
no time for such things.
i am leading a neutral life now.
don't make it worst.
you are not worth it..

Next up..
I CANT WAIT FOR HOLIDAYS!
gathering with
(family)
catch prawn + crab
(zhi wei + jia en)
chiong night life
(gerald & gang)
makan + watch movie
(lifen)
chat with her
(poly friends)
idk.. i need some time to sleep!!
awwwww... sad...
will be going back jurong..
unless you want pay for my midnight charge..

oh yeh talking about it..
i met a taxi driver that does not charge me midnight charge!
quite expensive actually.
he was chatting with me throughout the entire journey..
when i got up.., he promised to charge me cheaply.. * i laughed.
but when i got don't, he really didnt charge me any midnight charge at all!
uncle, please dont do this anymore. although i am really thankful for that..
you have a family to support. i believe.

the reason why he didn't charge me was,
because i studied till so late at night.
he said i was hard working.
and i am really really very cute...
HOHOHO...

anyway, thank you uncles v v much..
i need to save up money....

blah and blah..
dont disturb me.
in the mode of doing projects.
shooo...zz

(encountered a sad thing today too)
sigh

mefline: lets find one happy day and have a happy meal =]

lifen: cos you bother about the wrong things. =(

dillon: =)

2009-08-08T23:46:00.002+08:00

Tired as usual. just finished the last one a module.
did on capital punishment. which failed on the q&a site.
failed taiwan. fail here fail there.
no life... NO LIFE!!
can't wait for holidays..
maybe i am going to fail the final year and repeat the whole load of modules again.
what? esp statistics? that i am going to face sf again? that old hag?
microe also.

sigh sigh sigh...
give me life...

oh yeh.. went to decy's farewell party yesterday.
bye bye to her..

still walking...
still learning...

- lifen: you no good..

- minghuan: OMG?!!!

- yaoming: kuishinbo lets go?

- chew: orh.. thats a great thing la =D

- leslie: when are you going to have yours too?

- mefline: hoho. so who is that yet to be? O.o
& who is that random somebody?

2009-07-21T19:14:00.024+08:00

Currently in NYP doing MicroE project.
Feeling soooooooooooooooooooooooom BORED...!!!

HATE ZIMMER CHONG KAI YI!!!

I Am Going To Blog About Food Today =)

From latest that i ate?

Sumptuous..

Jealous?

This was at Sembawang Yatch Club.

Me -

Last taken by Kenneth Chong Guan Quan.

Ramen Ramen
(My fav. Ramen restaurant)

Kuishin-Bo
(My Fav. Japanese Buffet)
Cant wait to try Hanabi =]

Hans
Cheese Brownie Cake

My Injured Leg
Mum brought me to tie da.
But the sensei says cannot rub first.

Cause blood still clotting.

If rub = Even Swollen

Awww.. Pity Me... I missed one step while rushing to school at YCK MRT stairs.

Luckily I still managed to reach on time.

Painful. Now can walk better, But still PainFul =[

Luckily I hold on to the railing,

if not....., all the people infront will become my bowling pin.

T_T

Piglet...

Do Visit Me At NYP

Haa.. Just Kidding....

I am stressing for ICAS, Projects, and Semestral Exams Now..

SE Next Month..

After which, 6 weeks nia!!!!

sigh....

Hate Zimmer Chong Kai Yi

dull

2009-07-05T04:28:00.005+08:00

Trying Very Hard To Bring Myself Back To The Right State Of Mind.

I meant studying, and back to the usual, strong self.
I am getting too emotional these few days.

Kept thinking of sad thing.

Maybe watch too much drama.
(Watch finished 1 Litre of Tears already - Nice Show)

Getting sad over accidently deleted Mum's birthday picture which is on 1st July. Sad.
Missing and wants to go back to AK.
Disappointed of myself not studying.
Having Emotional Break-Downs of being stress.

Then again, I know these will all soon be over.
However, it is still happening.

Eating lots of choc everyday as well. Especially Kinder Bueno.
Getting Fat.

I AM Justtttttt sooooooo Troubled.....
I need a place for a "loud scream".....!

sigh... have been controlling too much as well.
that i cause a break down over myself.
that I not in the right state of mind to even study.

What? When this thursday is Oral Com Presentation.
and Friday? Taiwan Presentation?

I am stressing myself out. I know. But, what else can I do.
Spill all my thoughts here.
This Is The Only Way I Could Ever Think Of.

Hopefully I Will Be Fine.

I am still depressed over getting Mum's photo deleted.
Her with a British Bulldog Cake this year.
Her smile. sian. brought Marlene to see her.
Hopefully she will be happy.

I love Mum. I love Marlene for bringing Joy to my family.
although she causes problems sometimes.

Watch 10 promises to my dog yesterday.
I hope to keep those Promises to Dearest Marlene as well...

Salad is selling at 4000 Today.
Grab all you can. =)

I need to post before school starts again.
Hopefully I won't kena H1NI.
pandemic now. I must remain Healthy.

And I am digusted over the fact that I Really Really could not eat
Hor Fun and certain foods anymore..
Having that Image In Mind Irks ME.

Typing and Typing.... Now so late again.. Going to TaG Lifen again later..
I miss everyone....
Love Every Single Thing On EARTH...

Last But Not Least...
My Recent Photo..
Credits to KaiYi.... =)

2009-06-27T14:50:00.006+08:00

Just one more day left to the end of holiday.

I feel sad. depressed.

I Am Not Done With My Projects YET!

I am going to be dead. rolled over.. completely...

(if only this work)

2009-06-25T03:38:00.003+08:00

I think i am done with my new blogskin =]
It took me quite some time definitely
new songs too =)

by the way, for your information,
i have cut my hair! at two way holistic (again)
this time round, my hair style isssssssssssssssssss
SHORT

i was very excited upon cutting.
as these few months, the weather has been humid,
and i wanted to do a drastic hair cut,
now, I Am Having Short Hair =)
love my current hair..................
(will post my picture some day later)

have been watching alot of drama series lately
boys over flowers, zettai kerashi, full house (season2 coming soon) etc..
currently one litre of tears....

therefore, feeling sad over myself
'Have Not Been Doing Homework!'
But i really need a break. sigh*
Not started on MicoE and Oral Communication
and what? no more consultations?

appt at NUH later.
also, NYP will be closed for a week as a precaution.
I don't wish for this break though.
Don't wish to study online seriously.
rather drag myself to school.

anyway, i need to sleep now. Its Late. Good night =)

show you this picture.
when i was secondary 1.
band falling in.